sight of the sun.

day 85. sight of the sun. by fun.

holy freaking crap. i can't even explain to you just how much i love this song. i'm not lying to you when i say that it gives me a knot in my stomach each and every time i hear it. & i hear it a lot because i have been playing it multiple times a day.

i am not one of those people who, when they aren't in love, can't handle a love song. i am the biggest advocate of other people falling in love. & that's why i love this song, because i know that when i finally DO fall in love it's going to feel just like it does listening to this song. i also know that i'd be lying to myself if i claimed that when i hear this song, i only think of SOMEDAY and not someone RIGHT NOW.

Big surprise here (NOT), when i tell you that i am once again hopelessly falling for one of my favorite people. this happens often to me and generally ends terribly. i recently revealed this in a previous post, but i kinda hoped the issue would be resolved, squashed, kaput by now. but no. of course not. i'm putting myself out there right now by posting this because i'm sure he doesn't know i feel this way. ideally by the time i get around to posting this, he will either know and i'll have moved on or he will be my main squeeze. there is also the possibility that things will end badly and i will NEVER post this.

stay young, do dancing.

day 84. stay young, go dancing. by death cab for cutie.

happy 29th birthday to me.

today i did a lot of thinking about just HOW MUCH I LOVE the people in my life. and let me tell you, it is lots. years go by and by, and though i don't feel any older, i sure do feel luckier and luckier each day to be surrounded by the people I have in my life. I can't remember the last time that I ever felt alone, or unhappy, or unable to face a new day because I'm constantly brought up and supported by my friends and my lovely family.

I know that my "realist" attitude often gets taken to be more pessimistic or dramatic than anything, but make no mistake I love this life I lead. my birthday has just been a great day to take it all in, and realize I AM SO LUCKY and GRATEFUL for everything that surrounds me. I know it should be scary entering my last year as a 20-something, but it's not. don't get me wrong, I have no idea where the past 10 years have gone, and that is terrifying - but life just keeps getting better each day I roll out of bed. & I've decided that this will be my theme song for year 29 aka my best year yet.

just give me a reason.

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day 83. just give me a reason. by pink & nate ruess.

here’s the truth that I’m not quite ready to admit to myself, let alone you. I don’t need someone to walk me home. I am not scared to walk home alone at night or in the sunlight. I just want to spend more time with you.

it’s just not fair that lovesick feels the same whether you are falling in, falling out, worried, nervous, anxious, elated. it’s the SAME feeling. and it’s either the worst or the best depending on the situation.

I’m feeling now just like a felt a couple months ago when someone ripped my heart out and I couldn’t eat or sleep or sit still waiting for the feeling to just pass and it did pass. I knew it would. but I don’t think this will. or at least not quite so easily. because when that happened, you were the only person I wanted to talk to. and even though I didn’t admit it even then, that’s when I knew this was going to be a major problem. & of COURSE that is definitely me overreacting. this could be a GREAT thing or it will fizzle and I will be fine because i always am.

snow white.

82. snow white. by jaymay.

 

i originally was drawn to this song because it was called snow white. & i thought it would be about princess snow white and that excited me. songs about princesses. this is just one example of what goes through my mind in a typical day.

this is one of those songs that i always thought was beautiful, but could NOT relate to at all. and then one day i found that i could, and that confused me. and worried me. and frankly freaked me out for about 3 months until i admitted the way i was feeling to myself. now comes the time to admit it to the rest of the world because i've hit that breaking point where i feel like i'm about to explode. i'm ABOUT TO TURN 29. HOW AM I STILL HAVING LIFE EXPERIENCES THAT ARE SIMILAR TO 13 YEAR OLDS? HELP ME. secret crushes should end by AT LEAST your mid 20's and i'm pushing 30 here. this cannot be healthy. it just cannot. 

take your time (coming home)

day 80. take your time (coming home). by fun.

let the love fest for nate ruess continue.

there is just something about going to a concert and singing along that makes you fall in love with life. maybe because it's giving you a chance to speak those things that you want to say but never got a chance to. to declare to the world that you're happy. or in love. or angry. or broken, but getting back to normal. that has always been the reason that i love music, period. and singing along with hundreds of people just takes it to the next level. just another reason why i should have learned the violin years ago, because i could be in a band by now.

fun. is just so great in concert and i didn't want the night to end. i was beyond happy when they played my favorite fun. song which you can listen to above. the worst part of the night was when this creepy, drunk yinzer stared at me the whole time. & i'm not saying that to brag, because he was not pleasant looking and seemed to be kind of a d bag. oh well. my favorite line in the song is as follows (& i guess i could apply it to him, too):

& the truth is that i feel better because i've forgiven everyone.

life is good. :)

daughter

day 78 daughter. by loudon wainright III

happy father's day to my pops!

this is our father/daughter song. i know this because the first time i heard this song, i had to keep on playing it because it just reminded me so much of our father/daughter relationship. & then one day we were riding in the car and it came on our favorite radio station and he said "it's our song!" even though i had never mentioned it to him.

i am a daddy's girl, which is 100% obvious if you listen to this song. i am also 100% lucky to have the dad i have, because not only does he spoil me, he goes on long runs with me, gets my whacked out sense of humor, and never turns down a 2 hour roadtrip to see one of our favorite bands. the bar is set high for my future husband. i hope for my dad's sake, though, that someday i will get married and we can dance to this. i, of course, will be bawling my eyes out the entire time.

listen to the land.

day 77. listen to the land.

oh yes. this song makes me feel 7 years old again. i had this song on a record when i was younger and we would listen to it when we were packing to go to Disney World. I am in love with Disney World, if you didn't know. & EPCOT is one of my favorite places on this planet. just listening to this song now makes me wish i were there right now.

My brother and I are probably two of the luckiest kids ever because our parent's spoiled us with trips there every year. I am so thankful now because I have some of the greatest memories, and I'm certain that those trips are partially the reason why my brother and I are still so close to this day.

However, in spite of all the great memories, i have one horrible one. On one excursion, when I was probably in the 1st grade, I got really ticked off over the actions of a costumed character. I don't understand why they always have to kiss you (hello intimacy issues), but I let it slide because i just love mickey. anyway, i got extremely angry when one of Cinderella's mice, PERLA, decided to give my dad a kiss. I was so upset that I was crying and everyone thought it was hilarious. and then when we got home, my parents thought it would be a good idea to send my dad a postcard and act like it came from the freaking character. i didn't think it was funny. i was legitimately frightened that my dad was going to leave our family for a cartoon mouse.

forever and ever, amen.

day 76 forever & ever, amen. by randy travis & the avett brothers.



one of my favorite songs ever sung as a duet with my favorite band ever.

for some reason i have always loved this song. i think i heard it for the first time on one of those time life commercials when i was younger and it's always been a fave. it's such a cheesy love song and always a sign of a good day when i hear it. in fact, hearing it was the inspiration for my country themed Christmas party this year.

i stumbled upon this cover by accident, and ever since have been hoping and praying that someone will serenade me with this. i can only hope that my future boyfriend ends up going back and reading this and then acting upon my greatest wish. i would probably faint.

carried away.

day 75. carried away. by passion pit.

my new theme song & i think the girl in this video is my soul sister.

my summer goal is to have a show down with a bus. the streets in my neighborhood are narrow, but still busses mosey on down & corner cars so they have to back the whole way down the street.  Then the bus drivers don't even acknowledge with a proper thank you. it's the second part of that story that sends me over the edge. if you're going to make me back it up (in any area of my life) then i want a proper thank you. but no. it's not happened once in the 30 times I've had to do it. so.. my goal is to sit there the next time it happens and make the BUS back up. i told my mom this story and she said "sometimes I worry about you."

i get carried away easily. so easily. but i think that's why i'm so fun to be around, MOM.

flowers in your hair.

day 74. flowers in your hair. by the lumineers.

this song is short, sweet, and right to the point. it's per.fec.tion. & i am listening to it on repeat all day long.

cinema.

day 73. cinema. by benny benassi.

help. i like a techno song. it's not okay & i don't know what to do about it, but send a little wish out into the universe that this is not the first of many.

girlfriend.

day 72. girlfriend.

maybe i am just including this song so i make it perfectly clear that i am not the only person who has ever acted like a total weirdo over a boy.

st. patrick's day 2005 & unnamed friend is sitting at her computer playing this song over and over and over again and bawling her eyes out. it might have been sad if it was a sad song playing, but the rest of us, who were sitting in the living room in our festive green just could not stop laughing. it's such a ridiculous song, and i'm 99% sure said friend called up the guy with the girlfriend and played this song for him over the phone.

months later when we were sure that bringing up the song wouldn't make her upset, we reminded our friend about that day and laughed and laughed and laughed. to this day, it is one of our favorite stories & a perfect memory. how boring would life be if girls never lost their shit over a boy. there'd basically be zero fun stories to tell.

hit or miss.

day 71. hit or miss. by new found glory.

new found glory (insert smiley face with heart eyes here)!!!!!! so 00's.

once upon a time, my 18 year old brother went to the new found glory concert and took a friend instead of his 15 year old sister... (HOW DARE HE.. am I right??). To make me feel better, he brought me home a water bottle that he swore the lead singer threw into the crowd. looking back now, i'm pretty sure he found it on the ground and brought it to me just to placate me and stop me from moping around the house. at the time, though, I truly believed him. I kept that water bottle next to my bed like it was filled with holy water and showed it off anytime a friend would come over. flash forward to a few weeks in the future when I ACCIDENTALLY took a sip of the dirty, old, warm water thinking it was a different bottle.

i thought it was cool at the time that i started puking the next morning - especially because i told everyone that "Jordan from new found glory" got me sick. but really, looking back, i got sick because i drank some dirty stranger's month old water. i'd say this is a cautionary tale, but i'm pretty sure no one else out there is ridiculous enough to make this same mistake.

 

san dimas high school football rules.

day 70. san dimas high school football rules. by the ataris.

the first thing I think of when I hear this song is lovespell-scented lotion from victoria's secret. I don't know about anyone else my age, but at my school we were obsessed with that stuff for all of highschool. obsessed might not even convey just how many bottles of lotion and body spray I had. I mean i'm actually positive that I still have a stockpile of some at my parent's house that I've not even been able to use yet. I liked it because it made me smell like fruit by the foot. I guess that's weird.

the second thing I think of is my best friend thea because this was one of our high school anthems. we went through a stage where we listened to this song over and over again and replaced the whitney in "whitney, don't you understand here what I say is true, I just want you to know I have a major crush on you." with whomever we had a crush on at the moment. (sidenote: I actually just did that to myself while playing this song again for the first time in years. whoa. revelation. I didn't even KNOW I had a crush on that person. yikes.) I though I would write more about how thea and I started safety-pinning our clothing together and temporarily changed our names (I called myself Zoe), but now I think I need to go and mentally wrap my head around these feelings for my so called crush and why i'm 28 years old and still getting crushes on people like I did when I was 16. help.

old friend.

day 69. old friend. by sea wolf.

when people aren't messing with my music at work, i discover great songs. like this one. i'm sure i've said it before, but the reason i love reading and listening to music is because i always find that other people can express how i feel ten million times better than i ever could. this is a song that expresses exactly how i feel today. & exactly what i would say if i could.

i was a fool.

day 68. i was a fool. by tegan & sara.

if i sang karaoke, i would sing this song. i lived this song for 5 years & there isn't all that much i can say about it. but i would definitely sing about it. if i wasn't worried an agent would discover me. i have no more time for another job.

mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

day 67. mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. by waylon jennings & willie nelson.

happy mother's day!

i think my mom worried about me for awhile in my mid-twenties when i went through a country phase. i became a member of, and solely hung out at, the Fraternal Order of the Eagles, started playing pool, wearing more plaid than normal, and started listening to songs like this in the car.

luckily i remained mostly unscathed. if not, i'm a little more rough around the edges and it's all for the best. i'm 100% nostalgic about that time in my life, and look forward to someday in the future when I ditch the city lifestyle and live in the middle of nowhere.

can't help falling in love.

day 66. fleet foxes. can't help falling in love.

in middle school i was digging a guy in the high school marching band.  & despite being hilariously unathletic and a major advocate of hanging out indoors, i used to walk/run the track with my mom just in hopes of glancing the marching band practicing. that summer leading to eighth grade they played "can't help falling in love." and i just pathetically felt that way about my crush. & his dinkles. if you don't know what dinkles are, you just wouldn't understand. but, go ahead and google it.

i heard this version the other day, and it is honestly one of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard. every single time i hear this song, in any form, it takes me back to summer nights at age 13. which is when everything SEEMS so complicated, but is really one of the last times in life when it's EASY. if only we would realize it at the time. enjoy!

joy.

day 65. joy. by ellie goulding.

one of the reasons i love music is because sometimes a song just gets you right in the heart. or the gut. or the head. this song got me in all three the first time i heard it. since one of my personal goals in the past few months has been to let joy into my life, this song made me feel like i could take on the world. i'm always in awe of the way musicians or authors or even just my friends can word things in a way that sticks with me. in case you were wondering one of my favorite intentions during yoga is "let joy in." namaste, ellie.

first day of my life.

day 64. first day of my life. by bright eyes.

insert stereotypical wedding song for all late 20/early 30 hipsters here.

this song played on a loop through my head the first time i saw a boy i briefly dated in my early 20's. i was standing on a balcony when i set my sights on him and time stopped. i looked at my roommate and said "oh my god, i am going to marry that guy." straight out of a movie. i'm sure i also dramatically threw myself onto a couch or something.

on a side note, don't you love how people tell the story of how they met their future spouse and in the story, they are always so SURE that this person is going to be the "one" that they inevitably always tell someone - usually their mother - "this is the one i am going to marry." but, what they don't say is how many other times they have said that about someone. clearly i've already said that about someone I DIDN'T end up with (and some others along the way). but, maybe that's just me.

the best part of this story is not my melodramatic personality. the best part is that i told the guy the story about seeing him from the balcony and it didn't send him running in the other direction. it made him like me more. it made him declare. "Ash. I love you." did i mention that we only BRIEFLY dated? what was wrong with him? as it turned out, i introduced him to a friend and he ended up dumping me for her. & it was on to the next one, on to the next one, on to the next one for him.  his love for falling in love did not come hand in hand with fidelity or loyalty.


despite this, he remained my close and dear friend for a large chunk of my 20's. until I flew to another state to see him and he blew me off.... so he could go out and cheat on his fiance while she was out of town. friendship over.

i just don't have room for people like that in my life & now thank the good Lord often that I was oh so wrong on that day Conor Oberst & his sappy tune flitted through my head. when i tell my "how we met story," it will go like this. "he's not the first guy i thought i would someday marry, but 10th times the charm, right?" god, my mother in law is going to love me.

society.

day 63. society. by eddie vedder.

eddie vedder is just one of those people that suit every single mood. in particular, i like to listen to this song all the time. more & more i'm realizing that I NEED TO MOVE TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. inevitably, i will someday live in a log cabin, play the fiddle, and write every day sitting by my fireplace. until then, the city lifestyle is just going to have to cut it.

this song also reminds me of the time i watched "into the wild" with my mother and she started to worry that my brother would one day pack up and live a solitary existence just like christopher mccandless did. to which i said "are we talking about the same person?" luckily, since then he's found love, gotten married, and had a baby. if i were my mother i would have been more worried about me.

and if you haven't seen "into the wild," you must. it is heart-wrenching. or maybe i was just the only person who didn't know what was going to happen until the end.

i walk the line.

 day 62. i walk the line. by johnny cash.

back in the day, i once made this my instant messenger away message only to be dumped before coming back to the computer. it kind of sucked. and the thing is, it had nothing to do with me making that my away message. he didn't use IM. thank god. or it would have been realllllly embarassing. um hello. i felt like a real idiot coming home and having to undo that message. rookie mistake. i learned at a young age not to make every miniscule detail of my relationship business everyone else's business.

i swear to you, my plan is to one day post pictures of my wedding and have people be like.. "WTF. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend."

here comes the sun.

day 61. here comes the sun. by george harrison.

i realize that this song is actually a beatles tune, but it is george harrison's song & my favorite version is of a solo george harrison performing live. have i mentioned before how much i love that man? well, i do.

i listened to this version - recorded at harrison's concert for bangladesh over and over again while i was flying to bangladesh a few years ago. because what else should you do during a 20 hour trip to bangladesh?  i literally listened to nothing else but beatles songs and george, john, and paul during that three week excursion. & i don't use literally lightly here. i literally listened to nothing else.

this song is great to listen to during the changing of winter to spring. but this song is also good to listen to every other day. i consider it a good day when my playlist or radio station stumbles upon this. fresh days, fresh starts, and new beginnings. hyfr.

mama, i'm alright.

 day 60. mama, i'm alright. by miranda lambert.

truth is out by now that i have a semi-secret love for country music that extends past my love for taylor swift. can't help it. i think it has something to do with the time i was hoodwinked into going to the kenny chesney concert, fell down the steps, and walked around on a busted ankle all day. i've not been the same since.

country tunes are always very "feelings" oriented, so i should know better than to put any of them on my running mix - let alone my marathon mix. i mean, seriously, running tends to make me emotional enough on it's own.

being surrounded by 30,000 people who are running for someone they love who can't, or to support a cause that is close to their hearts, or just because it makes them feel alive, is a feeling that everyone should experience in their lives. and on top of that, there are the thousands of volunteers and spectators who are there to support people they know and love. & those who do it for no other reason than to support a complete stranger going for a goal. it's all a big love-fest. aka something i normally avoid. but it gets right at my heart to be a part of something that means so much to so many people. which is why i have to stop and walk when i come across something that really tugs on my heart strings. for instance, i saw a little old man cheering with the organ donation people holding up a sign that said "i got my heart in 1989." and of course i started feeling like i was going to cry and couldn't breathe so i had to walk for a bit.

which is the same reaction i had when this song came on. lord only knows why. although probably the line "my step is sure, and i know my name. i'm strong just like you prayed i'd be." i run because it makes me feel strong. it makes me feel like i am enough, that i can give enough, and be enough to overcome anything that life throws my way. i run because running 13.1 miles is something that i never thought i would be able to do. (because i'm the type of person who falls down steps). & honestly, i hope that everyone has something in their lives that makes them feel the way that running can make me feel.

beta love.

day 59. beta love. by ra ra riot.

this song brings "best day ever" vibes.

for one, it reminds me of my super cool niece. she introduced me to this song and it is one of her favorites. great taste in music, cute as a button, and only 9 months old. watch out world.

for another, it makes me think of two cute robots falling in love.

and lastly, it makes me think that i really can take on whatever life is throwing at me. on long days it makes me happy. on happy days it makes me happier.

tonight when I was setting up my running playlist for tomorrow morning i knew this was a must have. here's to starting a two hour run to a song that makes me feel superhuman.

i love it.

day 58. i love it. by icona pop.

yeah yeah. this is a judgement free zone. i like this song. no... i love it. (ha ha).

laundry room.

day 57. laundry room. by the avett brothers.

this is, hands down, my favorite avett brothers song.

i'm not going to try to pretend that it doesn't remind me word for word of someone. the best songs always do. to me, this song is about selfless love. for someone who deserves it. because if we are all being honest, sometimes people don't. but when you find those people that do, it's special. and they leave the very best kinds of indelible marks on your life.

okay. sappy rant over. but if you don't experience feelings when listening to this song, there's got to be something wrong with you. just my own, very humble, personal opinion.

using a live version of this song is a must, because the avett brothers are more amazing live than any studio version could ever capture. also because i love the fact that these guys have the same hair (un)style as i do. it just makes me love them that much more. 

turn on me.

day 56. turn on me. by the shins.

it's like the shins all day, errrday lately.

i have a real knack for putting together mixes. and i think my real talent lies in order. it typically takes me about a month to put together a mix for someone. i take it that seriously. & so after i choose the songs, i toy around with the order and transitions until it is JUST right. i wonder if i could get a job doing just that? with no musical experience other than the flute and my recent forays into fiddle playing, i doubt it.

however, i think the shins made a mistake on the order of the songs on their wincing the night away album. i mean, i don't know.  can you tell james mercer and the shins that you think they messed up? maybe, but probably not. they clearly know better. however, i think it would have been lovely to have a comet appears say "still to come, the worst part and you know it." and then later on in the album have turn on me say "the worst part is over, now get back on that horse and ride." but they appear in the opposite order, which to me sends the message - "you thought the worst part was over, but no ma'am it is still to come." which... YIKES.

regardless, of how they appear on the album in my mind it's all "the worst part came, it's over. now buck up bronco. you are amazing." which is why you will find "a comet appears" posted a week ago and "turn on me" today.

i realize that this is probably confusing to anyone who has limited knowledge on the shins. so... disclaimer.

when we first met.

day 55. when we first met. by hellogoodbye.

this is a love song to my best friend.  mostly because it name drops "chelsea lynn" in the song, and that happens to be her name. but also because the song is dear & sweet & charming just like her.

i am oh so lucky to have her in my life. though she lives thousands of miles away, talking to her always makes everything right. i really could go on and on about how much i adore her and why, but i mostly think that people would find it crazy. i'd just like to thank walt disney for creating a little mouse named mickey.  little did he know, he was setting the stage for two kindred spirits from idaho and pennsylvania to bond over all things princesses, donuts, and life. thanks walt!!!

that's what's up.

day 54. that's what's up. by edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros.

this song. i mean, really.

i have a late '60's soul. i think i would have been in my prime then. in my mind i am a rebel child who set out on the road to find herself. traipsing around the country with a backpack and no final destination in mind. & i guess if i would have been that way then, i could be like that now. but really. things are clearly more dangerous these days so that's my excuse.

have you ever thought about when you would ideally live? i think about it often and it normally comes down to one common thread. braids. i could not possibly live in a time when braids were uncool. random hippy braids were most certainly cool in 1968 and if you ask me they still are today.

& i know that this song is from good old modern times, but doesn't it just make you feel like you are laying out in a field with the sun shining down on the daisies in your long, unruly (braided) hair? no? well that's how it makes me feel.

just five weeks until edward sharpe hits up the burgh. breathe it in. this is going to be the most amazing summer.

silver lining.

day 53. silver lining. by rilo kiley.

first of all. Rilo Kiley has made my early 90's dreams come true. a band with Hannah from Troop Beverly Hills and Pinsky from Salute Your Shorts is just too much goodness to handle.

this is the first song played on the radio in my honda civic - daisy - during my first drive. i was so excited that it was playing because my car is silver - and i thought "whoa, this is a sign." (like i always think). from that point on, this song will always remind me of daisy being bright & shiny new. but, because i got my car as college was ending and i was starting my first year of teaching, this song will also always remind me of bright and shiny new beginnings.

my car has been through A LOT since then. she's been hit multiple times, broken into 3, and had a complete engine failure (which i'm told happens to 1 in a 5,000,000 cars. i'm so lucky.) but if you look at daisy you wouldn't know it. we truly are soul sisters. & this is my love song to my car.

cecilia.

day 52. cecilia. by simon & garfunkel.

cecilia is always a crowd pleaser. in the days of my old blog i once listed this song in my top 5 most requested songs, and it is definitely still part of that list. i have a semi-obsession with wanting my name in a song, and since i took my confirmation name from st. cecilia, this may be the closest i ever get. i have actually read that this song is a sort of love/hate song to st. cecilia the patron saint of music, from the perspective of a songwriter. i don't know if that's true, but it makes sense.

we requested this tonight at thea's wedding and it got everyone happy. parents and children alike, and so that is how you know it is a classic. this song makes me think of dancing, and laughing, and road trips. & i don't know if paul & art realized what they were creating, but i've yet to meet anyone who doesn't love this song.

skeleton key.

day 51. skeleton key. by margot & the nuclear so & so's.

it was a happy happenstance that i rediscovered this song. god love internet radio because it has a habit of reminding me of songs i haven't heard in years.  pandora is in my head y'all.

oxford comma.

day 50. oxford comma. by vampire weekend.

there's just so much to love about this song. first of all it really speaks to my miss pawlak side. the whole oxford comma debate is a real thing. and as a teacher of the literary arts, comma placement was an important topic. and spelling. and diction. and other things that they sing about in this song. let's just say that this song unconsciously played in my head on long days.

it also takes me back to freshman year of college. to the windowwww to the wallll. which is a pretty decent song by house party standards.

lastly, we are looking at yet another song which drops the f bomb in a natural and fun way. i just told you yesterday how much i appreciated that in a song.

teacher mode is definitely on today because i just realized that i used some great transition words in this post - first, also, lastly. yeahhhh. i still got it, kids.

oh lord.

day 49. oh lord. by foxy shazam.

something i love: songs where the f-bomb is dropped naturally. sometimes it's used and you can just tell the singer/songwriter threw it in there trying to be cool. like a 7th grader who just learned what a swear word is. but foxy is cool, and you can tell that he's probably been swearing his whole life. he's also slightly strange as evidenced in this video, but i feel like that is why we would be friends.

if this song doesn't pump you up, then i would seriously doubt that you are a human. i have to give a shout out to my human friend abby on this one, too. she told me about this song because she KNEW i would love it. oh lord.

simple song.

day 48. simple song. by the shins.

this song warms my heart & oh my god i'm writing about feelings again.

um hello to the line: "I know that things can really get rough, when you go it alone. don't go thinking you gotta be tough, and bleed like a stone."

at least once a day i have someone telling me in one way or another that i need to ask for help more, or accept help when it is offered to me. but ahhhh, it is just so hard for me to do. i would rather make 10 trips to and from the car than ask for help carrying groceries.

lately i've been making it a point to not try handling everything on my own all the time. just let me just tell you, letting go of control and a tough exterior is scary. so scary. but it feels pretty great to say "this is not cool and i'm not going to pretend like it is." or "help me do this so I can get out of work on time." hello balance. this song has served as a gentle reminder lately that it's okay to let your guard down once in awhile.

don't get too excited though, because if you think this means i'm going to have daily feel good emotional talks and cry it out sessions you are taking this a LITTLE too far, okay? i'm going to limit it to 3 days a week. tops.

a comet appears.

day 47. the shins. a comet appears.

let's just kill it two days in a row with posts that talk about feelings. i'm just going to roll with it.

i'm pretty sure that my most common emotion is melancholy. this song is melancholy to me. & when i use that word, i don't mean depressed and wallowing in despair - or even the least bit sad. i mean the second most common dictionary definition:

2. sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.

i'm known to scrawl in books i read. quotes, thoughts, and fears that normally have nothing to do with the content of the book. i underline. i add fortunes from my fortune cookie and snapshots from when i was a baby or from the time the book was read. all in hopes that when i pick the book up again in the future, i will pause to think about what I thought was special or important enough at the time. i do this when i'm feeling melancholy. i've always been this way. it's what makes me an avid reader, someone who loves to write, and i'm also certain that it is what draws me to running. i love long plane rides that mean i can sit and be to myself for 7 hours and do nothing but think. and read. and listen to music. and be melancholy. and for there to be nothing wrong with it.

a few weeks ago, i scribbled down - "still to come. the worst part. and you know it." in the book i was reading. and it seems so out of place in a book that was ending on a beautifully happy note. but i'm glad, because when i look back now, i can remember exactly where, when, and why and then write about it in my blog. and remind myself, that yes. i am psychic.

 

middle distance runner.

day 46. middle distance runner. by sea wolf.

as a half-marathoner, i basically classify myself as a middle distance runner. & perhaps this song is also a metaphor for the way i sometimes live my life, but let's not get too deep up in here today.

half-marathoners have a habit of saying some take on the following phrase: "im JUST/ONLY running/jogging the half (hopefully)." we completely downplay the fact that we are running 13 FREAKING miles. that's far. not long ago were the days when even 2 miles scared me. but yet, time and again I hear us downplaying the great accomplishment that we can literally run for nearly two hours without stopping. it's pretty cool.  

to tie in this song, i have two running moods - pensive or powerful. this song is definitely on repeat during the pensive days. which today was. so much so that i watched 10 episodes of Mad Men with my parents instead of running the 10 miles i intended to.

pensive is not always bad. i mean it has to be better than whatever type of mood the people are in listening to angry rap or techno. i had my best race time when i was in a pensive mood, which is interesting because this song is. so. slow. 

yet to be determined.... my mood for my next half coming up in TWO weeks.  EEK! (PLEASE NOTE: today i was supposed to run my last long training run. and i just didn't. here goes nothing!)

swimming pools.

day 45. thao and the get down stay down. swimming pools.

this song has nothing to do with kendrick lamar. and lord help me if in the next 320 days i ever mention that name again.

thao was someone i discovered by accident a long, long time ago and loved right away. as it normally goes with me, she'll always be special to me because i spent hours listening to her when i was trying to make sense of something crappy. the same crappy situation that inspired me to take a break and get out of pittsburgh for awhile.

when i decided to flee town in 2008 and move to florida, i was literally flying by the seat of my pants. when i tell you that i was still undecided if i was going to get on that plane the day before i left, i would not be lying to you. i packed with an angry voice in my head telling me i was wasting time, and i was only going to have to undo all the work i was doing because i clearly wasn't actually leaving town.

ultimately, i decided to make the move because my dad got me a gift card to chic-fil-a and i could not bear thinking that he spent time to do that for me, and that i would be selfish enough to stay home and not use it. (umm. hey there. PA has chic-fil-a too).

when my dad drove me to the airport on the big day, i turned on the radio and this song was playing. nevermind the fact that this simply means the dj decided to play a really great song. i took it as a major sign that i was on the right path, had made the right decision, and would never once look back. sign or no sign, thao is da bomb.

beat of my heart.

day 44. beat of my heart. by hilary duff.

i first heard this song 7 years ago when it played on the disney channel during the premiere of the first high school musical. i'm going to save you the trouble of figuring out the math and just tell you that i was 21, and yes, watching the disney channel.

my first thought was - "i can't believe she's dating joel madden." and then, "gosh i love this girl." and then "this song is special." i've always loved hilary duff. she's a classy lady, and so stinkin cute - i mean have you ever SEEN Casper meets Wendy? (as i write this, i'm thinking most of you haven't). also, she played lizzie mcquire and married a canadian hockey player. i love her life.

i forgot about the song at the time, but it came back to me later on that year and has not left my head since. it was my dance party song - dance parties were my official way of dealing with stress when i was in college. at times they were in my pjs alone. at other times, they involved costumes and choreographed moves. and yes, maybe they helped me be "less stressed," but they were more an elaborate ruse to procrastinate.

miss duff's feel good song then merged into my pick me up song. i was feeling upset one day and this song came on and i decided. "NO. i am not feeling bad about myself for one second longer." to this day it is always the song i put on when i am ready to tell myself. "pick up the pieces. do your hair. put on some pretty lipstick. face the world. and live your life."

when i applied to my current job, i stated that this song was the theme song to my life. they must have liked that about me, because here i am. and it's completely possible that me watching hsm on a Friday night when i was 21 years old and should have been out on the town, has made a major impact on my life, and who would have known?  i always wonder what my theme song would have been otherwise, and how i might be sitting here writing about the pussycat dolls or danity kane because that was all my roommate listened to. yikes.

pitseleh.

day 43. pitseleh. by elliott smith.

pitseleh means "little one" in Yiddish. it is also the name of my favorite elliott smith song on my favorite elliott smith cd. it reminds me of my first real heartbreak, and getting over it by listening to this song over and over. if i broke my life into periods set to music, i definitely, without a doubt, had an elliott smith period. and it was a time of little sunlight and lots of food. dun dun dun.

but now, i mostly listen to elliott smith when i'm feeling happy - not dark and moody. i think this confuses most people. i think i confuse most people. noted. but most people confuse me.. so...

konstantine.

day 42. konstantine. by something corporate.

if i really think about it, i've probably seen something corporate in concert more than any other band. especially if you count jack's mannequin as being the same band. which i do. this is one of my all time favorite songs. on the other hand i've heard people say that it's the worst song ever. so judge away.

honestly, if i were to hear this song today for the first time ever, i would probably think it was pretty lame. it's like quit WHINING. you seem like a self-destructive fool who probably destroyed a relationship with a girl who seems pretty & cool. and for what?

now there is a 10 minute song about you being a real dick. great.

but there is sentimental value to this song for me, and I love andrew mcmahon. I'm willing to forgive him with the fact that he wrote this song in his late teens or early twenties. and who really knows how to act then? i sure didn't. still don't.

pineapple princess.

day 41. pineapple princess. by annette funnicello.

this one is dedicated to all of the people i now work with who complain about the music i choose to play.

when i worked in adventureland, we had a total of two cds that were on a loop and we listened to them over and over again. and pineapple princess was the best song. i mean i actually liked it, but i think it got to a weird point where we used to refer to people we didn't like as pineapple princesses and sing this song on our days off.

so next time you are hating on andrew bird and the avett brothers, just remember that it could be worse.

angel from montgomery.

day 40. angel from montgomery. by john prine.

at my middle school, people used to go up to someone they were dating and make an "x" with their arms if they wanted to break up with them. it was quick and painless, but actually pretty embarrassing for the one being dumped. luckily it never happened to me. although that style would have actually been preferable to the break up speech i once got, which was:

"i can't be with you because you make me want to be a better person. when i picture life with you, i picture myself coming home from work and talking about my day and our lives, and laughing and doing fun things together. but all i really want to do is come home to a woman who cooks and cleans for me, i can't handle the rest."

i kid you not, and this is my life. which used to seem like a really strange soap opera. & luckily i really just don't date anymore in order to avoid situations like that. but this song has always reminded me of that particular exchange; and it's stuck with me (for some reason) as an enriching life experience and not so much a terrible moment.

& then when i rewatched "into the wild," and i realized that this is the song kristen stewart sings, i actually got s-i-c-k to the stomach. that girl ruins everything.

where's the love.

day 39. where's the love. hanson.

just embrace it. i know all the words to every single song on hanson's first cd - which was the first cd i ever purchased. i know everyone loves mmmmbop, and it's a solid song, but this one was always my favorite - especially when it gets all deep and dark and issac is singing about dark clouds and lightening.

i was in love with zac. the youngest. i sent him a fan letter that included the line. "i love your braids. i know everyone thinks you are ugly and taylor is the cute one, but i think you're cute." big surprise, but i never heard back from him. :(

young folks.

day 38. young folks. by peter, bjorn, & john.

something that happened to me that was really bogus was that I was dumped on Friday the 13th. Like, why? and was that planned? i'm not going to lie, every single Friday the 13th I think about it. & I know it's Saturday and not Friday, but I had a moment of dread when I thought for a second that it WAS Friday. I feel like I'm cursed for life because I definitely now believe that Friday the 13ths are unlucky days.

after i got dumped, my dad used to whistle this song around purposely because he knew it reminded me of my ex-boyfriend. and it drove me crazy. but, now i think it is funny. apparently my parents didn't take my pain too seriously because just this summer my mother confessed to me that "everyone" thought (insert name here) was actually into guys. thank you mom, for waiting 7 years to let me know.

all my days.

day 37. all my days. by alexi murdoch.

i have the wisest friend who always just has a way of wording things in a beautiful way, whether it's inspiring me on my yoga mat or over a cup of coffee. she is always so insightful that when I leave her, I always feel any worries I have slip right away. I find this special, because a lot of the time, I think I am just the opposite - i'm 100 times more likely to make someone amped up than I am to make them feel peaceful and reposed.

today as I was doubting myself over something silly, she said - "are you going to be the type of person who pushes joy out of their life, or lets it in?" and it's like ugghhhh. how do you always have the advice that is going to hit me JUST where and when I need to hear it?

and then I got into my car and this song was playing & i have this weird superstition that if I hear this song then it's going to be a wonderful day. & nothing crazy great happened today. i'll probably fall asleep on my couch any minute because I slept 3 hours last night, but it's been a good day and sometimes those are the best days. & it's always nice to have a reminder to practice JOY even on the most average of days.

if it's the beaches.

day 36. if it's the beaches. by the avett brothers.

this song crushed my heart today in the best possible way. i have heard it many many times before and have always liked it, but today was like hearing it for the first time. it actually made me stop cold in the middle of a project at work, and i felt like i could probably yak right into the garbage can next to me. which maybe is tmi, but i'm pretty sure no one reads this. in my defense i think my open emotional state can be partially attributed to finishing reading Wild, by Cheryl Strayed, on my lunch break. The ending got me right in the gut, so my defenses were considerably weakened. Add that to a whole bunch of heart openers in yoga, and i was screwed.

to follow up, i obviously got right back to work, but continued to play on repeat until someone came into the office and said "you don't look too hot, i really think you should put on a different song."

suite: judy blue eyes.

 day 38. suite: judy blue eyes. by crosby, stills, and nash.

this song will forever remind me of being 10 years old and waking up on a summer morning to my dad working outside in the yard. i'm sure my dad was purposely singing loudly because he got moody if my brother and i slept any later than 9. i'm also sure i didn't appreciate my dad's music tastes at the time because i was too into my cassette tape of the baby-sitters club soundtrack. but it must have left a mark on my musical tastes for life.

as i've gotten older, i've found that my dad and i have almost the exact same taste in music. it's great because i love going to concerts with him, and every once in awhile he will introduce me to a new band (but more often it's the other way around.) I tried to get him into the fleet foxes this winter, but i made the mistake of comparing them to cs&n, and i think that offended him or something because i'm pretty sure he hasn't even attempted to listen to the cd i got him.

recently i found out that due to all of the woodstock-esqe era concerts i was attending with my dad, my penchant for bandana-like headbands, braids, and my unruly hair, everyone assumed i was smoking a lot of pot. & i mean i could have if i really wanted to. i've never seen more people under the influence than at a crosby, stills, and nash concert. but let me just tell you this, i've also never felt as totally uncool as I did when comparing myself to a bunch of 50 & 60 year olds who still know how to rock tye-dye.

cute without the 'e' (cut from the team)

day 34. cute without the 'e' (cut from the team). by taking back sunday.

this is just an amazing song, and perfect for an angsty 18 year old, because i honestly listened to this song every morning before school, senior year. thea and i can do a perfect rendition of this song to this day.

but the best part about this song is the music video. which in my opinion might be the best music video ever created. this is what i like about it:

- adam lazzara as tyler durden. are you kidding me? i just fainted.
- the girl version of fight club. when i was younger i wanted to join one.
- random splicing - a la tyler durden.
- marla. i try to be marla every year for halloween and always wuss out. this year i'm not wussing out.

this music video is almost as good as the actual movie, but not quite as good as the book.

janet.

day 33. janet. by the format.

this song has basically been in my head all. day. long.

it reminds me of new york city. probably because it references new york city. and probably because I was walking up and down Lexington Avenue all day long today. I've found, that of the few times that I've been in New York, this song has been stuck in my head.

if this is my New York song, cool, I guess. but, I'm sure there are 500 or so songs that mention New York, and I can't help but think that there just may be better ones out there. and, not to mention again that I LOVE the format, but sometimes I really just wish I could move on from my love affair with nate ruess. In 33 days, I've probably referred to him more than anyone else.

I really do love this song though, and it's always incited a little bit of jealousy in me over people named janet. I've mostly just always wanted a song to mention my name, and for how common a name "ashley" is, songs mentioning it just aren't very easy to come by. it seems like every single TV show has a ditzy girl named ashley.. but a quality song about a girl named ashley? nope.

handle with care.

day 32. handle with care. by traveling wilburys / jenny lewis & friends.

so i don't even know how i can deal with either of these renditions.

GEORGE HARRISON, bob dylan, roy orbison, and tom petty together.

JENNY LEWIS, m.ward, ben gibbard, and conor oberst together.

if i could choose an emoticon to show how i feel about either of these things it would be the one with hearts for eyes. i'm picky about covers, but jenny lewis is an angel and i have no issue with her covering my favorite Beatle. TROOP BEVERLY HILLS WHAT.

The song is definitely in my Top 10 songs EVER, and I can't even write anymore because I want to lay in bed, close my eyes and listen to them both on repeat for hours. swoon.

get busy.

day 31. get busy. sean paul.

i'm not even going to pretend like this is a good song, okay? it's just that i'm in new jersey. i'm thinking about my glory days, and i'm reflecting on people and times that were important then, but so so far out of my life now. so my mind of course goes to Sean Paul. what. why.

i'm not going to try to explain it. i feel like i'm really putting myself out there, by even admitting this to the general public of the world. i'm sure that this will someday come back to haunt me. writing about a new song every day has me being extremely self-conscious that I have more guilty pleasures than most normal people.

die young.

day 30. die young. by ke$ha.

i just want to be perfectly clear about something. i am not into ke$ha. I am just really into this song. it just makes me want to dance. in fact, after listening to this song about 20 times in a row, i tried to learn all the steps to the Charleston, which is way more intense then I could have ever imagined. and I have to be honest - i gave up after about 10 minutes. okay 2 minutes.

i like to put this song on at work and encourage everyone to stop what they are doing and dance. i like to run to this song. i like to listen to it when i am having a bad day. i like to listen to it when i am having a great day. it's just a great reminder that sometimes you just. have. to. let. loose.

for me, it took a lot to admit that I was into a song by ke$ha. that in itself was letting loose. so it's a reminder to have fun and surprise yourself every once in awhile.

side note, i recently discovered that nate ruess wrote this song, and I suddenly went from 99% to 100% okay with being into it.

late night drama queen.

day 29. late night drama queen. by drew holcomb & the neighbors.

drew holcomb & the neighbors is a band that i discovered by accident a few years ago when they were opening up for another band. and yes, it was love at first listen. i don't know if it is because they were just that amazing live or if i had the biggest girl crush on ellie. whatever the reason, they had me mesmerized after the first song.

so i'm at the concert with my friends and drew & ellie play "late night drama queen." my friend mark taps me on the arm and says "umm, that sounds just like you." and I would have been offended except I was thinking the exact same thing. but also in my head i was thinking do I really want to be known to my male friends as a drama queen? and is this what my mom meant when she said that I need to tone it down sometimes? and is this why my other friend told me he thought i should present myself at "10% ashley" if i ever wanted to find a boyfriend?

and then i thought whatever, because it's all or none. or as i like to say "you either love me or you hate me, there's no in between with me."

actually I don't say that. ever. but it was on an episode of Real Housewives once when my roommate was watching, and for a few days I thought about making it my motto.