wgw!!

today as i am driving home from work, turning at a stop light, i pass a guy driving a lime green bug.

what happened next is enough to make you want to boot it. i'm not kidding.

the driver of this bug, who is wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, and a bandana in his hair flexes his muscle at me and kisses his arm. i almost wrecked into him. and NOT because i was impressed. yuck. totally grossed out.

maybe my haphazard ponytail and look of exhaustion from being on the go all day really struck a chord with him, and he just couldn't control himself. on the other hand maybe this is just some sort of gimmick to overcompensate for the fact that he drives a florescent car with a built in flower vase. i don't know.

i'm loud & i go after what i want. please steal my boyfriend.

... or not.

but i mean truly, i don't have a boyfriend. so you couldn't steal him even if you wanted to. & let me just say if said boyfriend did exist and you even thought about it - i just would like to warn you that... 1. i spend a lot of time at the gym & 2. i believe in revenge.

so anyways, i went to see "something borrowed" (based on the book by the same name) last weekend. truly a very funny movie. (john krasinski i still love you) but come on... from now on, let's just refer to this movie as "something stolen."


let me give you a little background story here. we have a shy friend and an outgoing friend. shy friend falls in love with a guy, but doesn't have the guts to admit it, even though the guy is clearly into her. she denies it to everyone, never admits it to her friend, and never admits it to the guy even when he comes RUNNING after her, practically begging her to stay and date him. instead she fixes the guy up with her outgoing friend.

flash ahead 5 years. outgoing friend and guy are getting married. & all of a sudden.. shy girl thinks "wait. i want him for my own." TOO BAD SUCKA! should have voiced your opinion years ago. YEARS AGO. not when your friend is about to marry the guy. there is no reason EVER to steal your friend's fiance. nope. none. too little. too freaking late.

but what's that you ask? what about all the reasons that the author stuck in to try to get you to feel like the shy girl is doing the right thing?

1. outgoing friend is self centered: yeah. i like myself too. doesn't mean i want you to take my husband.

2. outgoing friend likes to party: nope. not a good enough reason.

3. shy girl liked him first: wow. you had 5 years to say something. go find someone else.

4. outgoing girl and guy are not really in love: guess what. i don't care. wait for them to realize this & break up. THEN he is fair game.

5. outgoing girl is cheating on guy: yes. this is not so great.. but two wrongs don't make a right. bedding a guy your friend is engaged to is never okay.
WAIT. hold up. what? oh... okay... well, you love him and he loves you? okay... yeah... i guess... NOOOOOOOOO. still not okay.

listen hollywood. i will never relate to any girl who steals her friend's man. if you wanted to make this a revenge movie. you should have made the outgoing friend REALLY awful. you should have made her steal the guy away in the beginning. she really didn't. she wasn't the worlds best person. but she had good intentions.

when i got home from this movie, i went straight to my bookshelf. took off another book by the same author that was in my queue to be read. upon seeing that it was another story about cheating, i threw it out. mark that down people. this is the one time you will ever hear about ME, reading teacher & library lover throwing away a book.

however, word from my bookshelf is a resounding GOOD RIDDANCE. miss dorothy parker and mr. kurt vonnegut were happy to see her go. pretty sure they thought she was a hoochie.

flip it. flip it.

when you have to make a hard decision, flip a coin.

try it. i mean you don't have to listen to the answer, but...

i bet as soon as that coin goes in the air, you automatically know which side you want it to land on. no more being confused.

thea had the brilliant plan to use a magic 8 ball this weekend. & honestly... have those things ever answered you in the way that you wanted? no. & then it's wrong a lot too. thea asked it if i was in the shower and it told her NO.. but people, i was actually in the SHOWER! in case you ever had any doubt in your mind, you do NOT have listen to the Magic 8 Ball and it's unreliable advice. if you feel like it, do the opposite of what it says and then laugh in it's face.

if you are indecisive like me, magic 8 balls and coins can be very useful in helping you realize what you actually want to do, especially when making important, life changing decisions. and unlike asking friends what to do - you can cuss out the little buggers if they tell you what you don't want to hear.... and then just turn around and do whatever it is you wanted to do, or were planning to do in the first place.

dear thea... with love from jess.

when my bff thea & i were in college, she would drive me around a LOT. a lot a lot. anyone who knows me knows that i like to be in charge of the radio in the car. music snob. maybs.

so we had to set some ground rules. we each got to pick two artists that the other was never... under any circumstances.. allowed to listen to in the presence of the other. me being me, i chose two artists that thea loved - pink floyd and led zeppelin. just to be annoying.

for me, thea chose.... jessica simpson & edwin mccain. i acted like i was upset, but in all honesty.. anyone who knows me knows she could have picked better options. i could probably go the rest of my life and not listen to either of these people sing again.

today i was bored and i posted jessica simpson videos on thea's facebook wall. sometimes i just crack myself up...& this was the highlight of my day people! now i just have to wait for her to see them....

bow chicka bow wow.

well. i've suddenly found myself with some extra time on my hands when marathon-training ashley turned into stress fracture ashley.

suddenly down to 75% usage of my limbs, and unable to run.. i decided to take up swimming. swim cap. athletic suit, and all. in typical ashley fashion as of yesterday i am down to 50% usage of my limbs thanks to the 10 stitches in my shoulder. now i can't even swim.

okay. also in typical ashley fashion i may be exaggerating about the number of stitches. i don't even know how many i actually have. not a clue. i didn't ask. i do know that i have inner and outer stitches. so i mean, what difference does it make really? i still can't swim. i can't run. i've picked up a habit of two red bulls a day. i am falling apart here people, is what i am trying to say.


so instead of cleaning or doing something productive i am sitting here, thinking about doing something productive. like making up new recipes. for instance, yesterday i made mini mexican pizzas. i take individual tortilla chips, top them with a mixture of black beans & salsa, chicken, corn, and cheese. the more i type here, the more i realize that roughly two people will even read this... so... CHELS, EM... you need to make these. holy cow. to quote brodie bruce - "damn are they exquisite." in fact, the "bow chicka bow wow" title of the blog i have going on here, is based solely on how good these babies are. maybe i could write my own cookbook in my spare time.

okay. i am going to continue sitting on my porch and listen to music, and not clean the bathroom. and if anyone asks, i'm simply going to say that my arm hurts too badly to clean anything.

victories.

i get that everyone is super excited for the big Steelers win.

personally i am more excited that i went to a Duquesne basketball game, and THEY won. yes. pretty much made my whole weekend.

treadmills & chuck p.

yesterday at the gym. 4 miles. 40 minutes. a new record for me. though honestly, my running friends, i know this isn't so great.

i was in the "zone" i guess you could say. and i wish that would happen more often, because most of the time when i am running, the only thought running through my mind is "when is this going to be over?" i wish i could get to that "happy place" that runners talk about. is this even real? unfortunately the days that i am motivated to run i am usually motivated by anger, frustration, stress - hence, even on my good days i am never running in this (fictious, i'm convinced) bubble of happiness.

i'm not giving up though. each time i go to the gym, i am hoping to enter this endorphin-filled, alternate reality, and/or plane of existence that apparently is out there. possibly today?

just as a backup though.. i am going to watch Fight Club. right now actually. i am going to go out to my living room and force my friends to watch it. & i am pretty sure they will give in. because i have had an overwhelming past few days. & i'm convinced anything Chuck Palahniuk will always take me to a place better than i will ever find while running. plus edward norton is a babe.