when we first met.

day 55. when we first met. by hellogoodbye.

this is a love song to my best friend.  mostly because it name drops "chelsea lynn" in the song, and that happens to be her name. but also because the song is dear & sweet & charming just like her.

i am oh so lucky to have her in my life. though she lives thousands of miles away, talking to her always makes everything right. i really could go on and on about how much i adore her and why, but i mostly think that people would find it crazy. i'd just like to thank walt disney for creating a little mouse named mickey.  little did he know, he was setting the stage for two kindred spirits from idaho and pennsylvania to bond over all things princesses, donuts, and life. thanks walt!!!

that's what's up.

day 54. that's what's up. by edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros.

this song. i mean, really.

i have a late '60's soul. i think i would have been in my prime then. in my mind i am a rebel child who set out on the road to find herself. traipsing around the country with a backpack and no final destination in mind. & i guess if i would have been that way then, i could be like that now. but really. things are clearly more dangerous these days so that's my excuse.

have you ever thought about when you would ideally live? i think about it often and it normally comes down to one common thread. braids. i could not possibly live in a time when braids were uncool. random hippy braids were most certainly cool in 1968 and if you ask me they still are today.

& i know that this song is from good old modern times, but doesn't it just make you feel like you are laying out in a field with the sun shining down on the daisies in your long, unruly (braided) hair? no? well that's how it makes me feel.

just five weeks until edward sharpe hits up the burgh. breathe it in. this is going to be the most amazing summer.

silver lining.

day 53. silver lining. by rilo kiley.

first of all. Rilo Kiley has made my early 90's dreams come true. a band with Hannah from Troop Beverly Hills and Pinsky from Salute Your Shorts is just too much goodness to handle.

this is the first song played on the radio in my honda civic - daisy - during my first drive. i was so excited that it was playing because my car is silver - and i thought "whoa, this is a sign." (like i always think). from that point on, this song will always remind me of daisy being bright & shiny new. but, because i got my car as college was ending and i was starting my first year of teaching, this song will also always remind me of bright and shiny new beginnings.

my car has been through A LOT since then. she's been hit multiple times, broken into 3, and had a complete engine failure (which i'm told happens to 1 in a 5,000,000 cars. i'm so lucky.) but if you look at daisy you wouldn't know it. we truly are soul sisters. & this is my love song to my car.

cecilia.

day 52. cecilia. by simon & garfunkel.

cecilia is always a crowd pleaser. in the days of my old blog i once listed this song in my top 5 most requested songs, and it is definitely still part of that list. i have a semi-obsession with wanting my name in a song, and since i took my confirmation name from st. cecilia, this may be the closest i ever get. i have actually read that this song is a sort of love/hate song to st. cecilia the patron saint of music, from the perspective of a songwriter. i don't know if that's true, but it makes sense.

we requested this tonight at thea's wedding and it got everyone happy. parents and children alike, and so that is how you know it is a classic. this song makes me think of dancing, and laughing, and road trips. & i don't know if paul & art realized what they were creating, but i've yet to meet anyone who doesn't love this song.

skeleton key.

day 51. skeleton key. by margot & the nuclear so & so's.

it was a happy happenstance that i rediscovered this song. god love internet radio because it has a habit of reminding me of songs i haven't heard in years.  pandora is in my head y'all.

oxford comma.

day 50. oxford comma. by vampire weekend.

there's just so much to love about this song. first of all it really speaks to my miss pawlak side. the whole oxford comma debate is a real thing. and as a teacher of the literary arts, comma placement was an important topic. and spelling. and diction. and other things that they sing about in this song. let's just say that this song unconsciously played in my head on long days.

it also takes me back to freshman year of college. to the windowwww to the wallll. which is a pretty decent song by house party standards.

lastly, we are looking at yet another song which drops the f bomb in a natural and fun way. i just told you yesterday how much i appreciated that in a song.

teacher mode is definitely on today because i just realized that i used some great transition words in this post - first, also, lastly. yeahhhh. i still got it, kids.

oh lord.

day 49. oh lord. by foxy shazam.

something i love: songs where the f-bomb is dropped naturally. sometimes it's used and you can just tell the singer/songwriter threw it in there trying to be cool. like a 7th grader who just learned what a swear word is. but foxy is cool, and you can tell that he's probably been swearing his whole life. he's also slightly strange as evidenced in this video, but i feel like that is why we would be friends.

if this song doesn't pump you up, then i would seriously doubt that you are a human. i have to give a shout out to my human friend abby on this one, too. she told me about this song because she KNEW i would love it. oh lord.

simple song.

day 48. simple song. by the shins.

this song warms my heart & oh my god i'm writing about feelings again.

um hello to the line: "I know that things can really get rough, when you go it alone. don't go thinking you gotta be tough, and bleed like a stone."

at least once a day i have someone telling me in one way or another that i need to ask for help more, or accept help when it is offered to me. but ahhhh, it is just so hard for me to do. i would rather make 10 trips to and from the car than ask for help carrying groceries.

lately i've been making it a point to not try handling everything on my own all the time. just let me just tell you, letting go of control and a tough exterior is scary. so scary. but it feels pretty great to say "this is not cool and i'm not going to pretend like it is." or "help me do this so I can get out of work on time." hello balance. this song has served as a gentle reminder lately that it's okay to let your guard down once in awhile.

don't get too excited though, because if you think this means i'm going to have daily feel good emotional talks and cry it out sessions you are taking this a LITTLE too far, okay? i'm going to limit it to 3 days a week. tops.

a comet appears.

day 47. the shins. a comet appears.

let's just kill it two days in a row with posts that talk about feelings. i'm just going to roll with it.

i'm pretty sure that my most common emotion is melancholy. this song is melancholy to me. & when i use that word, i don't mean depressed and wallowing in despair - or even the least bit sad. i mean the second most common dictionary definition:

2. sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.

i'm known to scrawl in books i read. quotes, thoughts, and fears that normally have nothing to do with the content of the book. i underline. i add fortunes from my fortune cookie and snapshots from when i was a baby or from the time the book was read. all in hopes that when i pick the book up again in the future, i will pause to think about what I thought was special or important enough at the time. i do this when i'm feeling melancholy. i've always been this way. it's what makes me an avid reader, someone who loves to write, and i'm also certain that it is what draws me to running. i love long plane rides that mean i can sit and be to myself for 7 hours and do nothing but think. and read. and listen to music. and be melancholy. and for there to be nothing wrong with it.

a few weeks ago, i scribbled down - "still to come. the worst part. and you know it." in the book i was reading. and it seems so out of place in a book that was ending on a beautifully happy note. but i'm glad, because when i look back now, i can remember exactly where, when, and why and then write about it in my blog. and remind myself, that yes. i am psychic.

 

middle distance runner.

day 46. middle distance runner. by sea wolf.

as a half-marathoner, i basically classify myself as a middle distance runner. & perhaps this song is also a metaphor for the way i sometimes live my life, but let's not get too deep up in here today.

half-marathoners have a habit of saying some take on the following phrase: "im JUST/ONLY running/jogging the half (hopefully)." we completely downplay the fact that we are running 13 FREAKING miles. that's far. not long ago were the days when even 2 miles scared me. but yet, time and again I hear us downplaying the great accomplishment that we can literally run for nearly two hours without stopping. it's pretty cool.  

to tie in this song, i have two running moods - pensive or powerful. this song is definitely on repeat during the pensive days. which today was. so much so that i watched 10 episodes of Mad Men with my parents instead of running the 10 miles i intended to.

pensive is not always bad. i mean it has to be better than whatever type of mood the people are in listening to angry rap or techno. i had my best race time when i was in a pensive mood, which is interesting because this song is. so. slow. 

yet to be determined.... my mood for my next half coming up in TWO weeks.  EEK! (PLEASE NOTE: today i was supposed to run my last long training run. and i just didn't. here goes nothing!)

swimming pools.

day 45. thao and the get down stay down. swimming pools.

this song has nothing to do with kendrick lamar. and lord help me if in the next 320 days i ever mention that name again.

thao was someone i discovered by accident a long, long time ago and loved right away. as it normally goes with me, she'll always be special to me because i spent hours listening to her when i was trying to make sense of something crappy. the same crappy situation that inspired me to take a break and get out of pittsburgh for awhile.

when i decided to flee town in 2008 and move to florida, i was literally flying by the seat of my pants. when i tell you that i was still undecided if i was going to get on that plane the day before i left, i would not be lying to you. i packed with an angry voice in my head telling me i was wasting time, and i was only going to have to undo all the work i was doing because i clearly wasn't actually leaving town.

ultimately, i decided to make the move because my dad got me a gift card to chic-fil-a and i could not bear thinking that he spent time to do that for me, and that i would be selfish enough to stay home and not use it. (umm. hey there. PA has chic-fil-a too).

when my dad drove me to the airport on the big day, i turned on the radio and this song was playing. nevermind the fact that this simply means the dj decided to play a really great song. i took it as a major sign that i was on the right path, had made the right decision, and would never once look back. sign or no sign, thao is da bomb.

beat of my heart.

day 44. beat of my heart. by hilary duff.

i first heard this song 7 years ago when it played on the disney channel during the premiere of the first high school musical. i'm going to save you the trouble of figuring out the math and just tell you that i was 21, and yes, watching the disney channel.

my first thought was - "i can't believe she's dating joel madden." and then, "gosh i love this girl." and then "this song is special." i've always loved hilary duff. she's a classy lady, and so stinkin cute - i mean have you ever SEEN Casper meets Wendy? (as i write this, i'm thinking most of you haven't). also, she played lizzie mcquire and married a canadian hockey player. i love her life.

i forgot about the song at the time, but it came back to me later on that year and has not left my head since. it was my dance party song - dance parties were my official way of dealing with stress when i was in college. at times they were in my pjs alone. at other times, they involved costumes and choreographed moves. and yes, maybe they helped me be "less stressed," but they were more an elaborate ruse to procrastinate.

miss duff's feel good song then merged into my pick me up song. i was feeling upset one day and this song came on and i decided. "NO. i am not feeling bad about myself for one second longer." to this day it is always the song i put on when i am ready to tell myself. "pick up the pieces. do your hair. put on some pretty lipstick. face the world. and live your life."

when i applied to my current job, i stated that this song was the theme song to my life. they must have liked that about me, because here i am. and it's completely possible that me watching hsm on a Friday night when i was 21 years old and should have been out on the town, has made a major impact on my life, and who would have known?  i always wonder what my theme song would have been otherwise, and how i might be sitting here writing about the pussycat dolls or danity kane because that was all my roommate listened to. yikes.

pitseleh.

day 43. pitseleh. by elliott smith.

pitseleh means "little one" in Yiddish. it is also the name of my favorite elliott smith song on my favorite elliott smith cd. it reminds me of my first real heartbreak, and getting over it by listening to this song over and over. if i broke my life into periods set to music, i definitely, without a doubt, had an elliott smith period. and it was a time of little sunlight and lots of food. dun dun dun.

but now, i mostly listen to elliott smith when i'm feeling happy - not dark and moody. i think this confuses most people. i think i confuse most people. noted. but most people confuse me.. so...

konstantine.

day 42. konstantine. by something corporate.

if i really think about it, i've probably seen something corporate in concert more than any other band. especially if you count jack's mannequin as being the same band. which i do. this is one of my all time favorite songs. on the other hand i've heard people say that it's the worst song ever. so judge away.

honestly, if i were to hear this song today for the first time ever, i would probably think it was pretty lame. it's like quit WHINING. you seem like a self-destructive fool who probably destroyed a relationship with a girl who seems pretty & cool. and for what?

now there is a 10 minute song about you being a real dick. great.

but there is sentimental value to this song for me, and I love andrew mcmahon. I'm willing to forgive him with the fact that he wrote this song in his late teens or early twenties. and who really knows how to act then? i sure didn't. still don't.

pineapple princess.

day 41. pineapple princess. by annette funnicello.

this one is dedicated to all of the people i now work with who complain about the music i choose to play.

when i worked in adventureland, we had a total of two cds that were on a loop and we listened to them over and over again. and pineapple princess was the best song. i mean i actually liked it, but i think it got to a weird point where we used to refer to people we didn't like as pineapple princesses and sing this song on our days off.

so next time you are hating on andrew bird and the avett brothers, just remember that it could be worse.

angel from montgomery.

day 40. angel from montgomery. by john prine.

at my middle school, people used to go up to someone they were dating and make an "x" with their arms if they wanted to break up with them. it was quick and painless, but actually pretty embarrassing for the one being dumped. luckily it never happened to me. although that style would have actually been preferable to the break up speech i once got, which was:

"i can't be with you because you make me want to be a better person. when i picture life with you, i picture myself coming home from work and talking about my day and our lives, and laughing and doing fun things together. but all i really want to do is come home to a woman who cooks and cleans for me, i can't handle the rest."

i kid you not, and this is my life. which used to seem like a really strange soap opera. & luckily i really just don't date anymore in order to avoid situations like that. but this song has always reminded me of that particular exchange; and it's stuck with me (for some reason) as an enriching life experience and not so much a terrible moment.

& then when i rewatched "into the wild," and i realized that this is the song kristen stewart sings, i actually got s-i-c-k to the stomach. that girl ruins everything.

where's the love.

day 39. where's the love. hanson.

just embrace it. i know all the words to every single song on hanson's first cd - which was the first cd i ever purchased. i know everyone loves mmmmbop, and it's a solid song, but this one was always my favorite - especially when it gets all deep and dark and issac is singing about dark clouds and lightening.

i was in love with zac. the youngest. i sent him a fan letter that included the line. "i love your braids. i know everyone thinks you are ugly and taylor is the cute one, but i think you're cute." big surprise, but i never heard back from him. :(

young folks.

day 38. young folks. by peter, bjorn, & john.

something that happened to me that was really bogus was that I was dumped on Friday the 13th. Like, why? and was that planned? i'm not going to lie, every single Friday the 13th I think about it. & I know it's Saturday and not Friday, but I had a moment of dread when I thought for a second that it WAS Friday. I feel like I'm cursed for life because I definitely now believe that Friday the 13ths are unlucky days.

after i got dumped, my dad used to whistle this song around purposely because he knew it reminded me of my ex-boyfriend. and it drove me crazy. but, now i think it is funny. apparently my parents didn't take my pain too seriously because just this summer my mother confessed to me that "everyone" thought (insert name here) was actually into guys. thank you mom, for waiting 7 years to let me know.

all my days.

day 37. all my days. by alexi murdoch.

i have the wisest friend who always just has a way of wording things in a beautiful way, whether it's inspiring me on my yoga mat or over a cup of coffee. she is always so insightful that when I leave her, I always feel any worries I have slip right away. I find this special, because a lot of the time, I think I am just the opposite - i'm 100 times more likely to make someone amped up than I am to make them feel peaceful and reposed.

today as I was doubting myself over something silly, she said - "are you going to be the type of person who pushes joy out of their life, or lets it in?" and it's like ugghhhh. how do you always have the advice that is going to hit me JUST where and when I need to hear it?

and then I got into my car and this song was playing & i have this weird superstition that if I hear this song then it's going to be a wonderful day. & nothing crazy great happened today. i'll probably fall asleep on my couch any minute because I slept 3 hours last night, but it's been a good day and sometimes those are the best days. & it's always nice to have a reminder to practice JOY even on the most average of days.

if it's the beaches.

day 36. if it's the beaches. by the avett brothers.

this song crushed my heart today in the best possible way. i have heard it many many times before and have always liked it, but today was like hearing it for the first time. it actually made me stop cold in the middle of a project at work, and i felt like i could probably yak right into the garbage can next to me. which maybe is tmi, but i'm pretty sure no one reads this. in my defense i think my open emotional state can be partially attributed to finishing reading Wild, by Cheryl Strayed, on my lunch break. The ending got me right in the gut, so my defenses were considerably weakened. Add that to a whole bunch of heart openers in yoga, and i was screwed.

to follow up, i obviously got right back to work, but continued to play on repeat until someone came into the office and said "you don't look too hot, i really think you should put on a different song."

suite: judy blue eyes.

 day 38. suite: judy blue eyes. by crosby, stills, and nash.

this song will forever remind me of being 10 years old and waking up on a summer morning to my dad working outside in the yard. i'm sure my dad was purposely singing loudly because he got moody if my brother and i slept any later than 9. i'm also sure i didn't appreciate my dad's music tastes at the time because i was too into my cassette tape of the baby-sitters club soundtrack. but it must have left a mark on my musical tastes for life.

as i've gotten older, i've found that my dad and i have almost the exact same taste in music. it's great because i love going to concerts with him, and every once in awhile he will introduce me to a new band (but more often it's the other way around.) I tried to get him into the fleet foxes this winter, but i made the mistake of comparing them to cs&n, and i think that offended him or something because i'm pretty sure he hasn't even attempted to listen to the cd i got him.

recently i found out that due to all of the woodstock-esqe era concerts i was attending with my dad, my penchant for bandana-like headbands, braids, and my unruly hair, everyone assumed i was smoking a lot of pot. & i mean i could have if i really wanted to. i've never seen more people under the influence than at a crosby, stills, and nash concert. but let me just tell you this, i've also never felt as totally uncool as I did when comparing myself to a bunch of 50 & 60 year olds who still know how to rock tye-dye.

cute without the 'e' (cut from the team)

day 34. cute without the 'e' (cut from the team). by taking back sunday.

this is just an amazing song, and perfect for an angsty 18 year old, because i honestly listened to this song every morning before school, senior year. thea and i can do a perfect rendition of this song to this day.

but the best part about this song is the music video. which in my opinion might be the best music video ever created. this is what i like about it:

- adam lazzara as tyler durden. are you kidding me? i just fainted.
- the girl version of fight club. when i was younger i wanted to join one.
- random splicing - a la tyler durden.
- marla. i try to be marla every year for halloween and always wuss out. this year i'm not wussing out.

this music video is almost as good as the actual movie, but not quite as good as the book.

janet.

day 33. janet. by the format.

this song has basically been in my head all. day. long.

it reminds me of new york city. probably because it references new york city. and probably because I was walking up and down Lexington Avenue all day long today. I've found, that of the few times that I've been in New York, this song has been stuck in my head.

if this is my New York song, cool, I guess. but, I'm sure there are 500 or so songs that mention New York, and I can't help but think that there just may be better ones out there. and, not to mention again that I LOVE the format, but sometimes I really just wish I could move on from my love affair with nate ruess. In 33 days, I've probably referred to him more than anyone else.

I really do love this song though, and it's always incited a little bit of jealousy in me over people named janet. I've mostly just always wanted a song to mention my name, and for how common a name "ashley" is, songs mentioning it just aren't very easy to come by. it seems like every single TV show has a ditzy girl named ashley.. but a quality song about a girl named ashley? nope.

handle with care.

day 32. handle with care. by traveling wilburys / jenny lewis & friends.

so i don't even know how i can deal with either of these renditions.

GEORGE HARRISON, bob dylan, roy orbison, and tom petty together.

JENNY LEWIS, m.ward, ben gibbard, and conor oberst together.

if i could choose an emoticon to show how i feel about either of these things it would be the one with hearts for eyes. i'm picky about covers, but jenny lewis is an angel and i have no issue with her covering my favorite Beatle. TROOP BEVERLY HILLS WHAT.

The song is definitely in my Top 10 songs EVER, and I can't even write anymore because I want to lay in bed, close my eyes and listen to them both on repeat for hours. swoon.

get busy.

day 31. get busy. sean paul.

i'm not even going to pretend like this is a good song, okay? it's just that i'm in new jersey. i'm thinking about my glory days, and i'm reflecting on people and times that were important then, but so so far out of my life now. so my mind of course goes to Sean Paul. what. why.

i'm not going to try to explain it. i feel like i'm really putting myself out there, by even admitting this to the general public of the world. i'm sure that this will someday come back to haunt me. writing about a new song every day has me being extremely self-conscious that I have more guilty pleasures than most normal people.

die young.

day 30. die young. by ke$ha.

i just want to be perfectly clear about something. i am not into ke$ha. I am just really into this song. it just makes me want to dance. in fact, after listening to this song about 20 times in a row, i tried to learn all the steps to the Charleston, which is way more intense then I could have ever imagined. and I have to be honest - i gave up after about 10 minutes. okay 2 minutes.

i like to put this song on at work and encourage everyone to stop what they are doing and dance. i like to run to this song. i like to listen to it when i am having a bad day. i like to listen to it when i am having a great day. it's just a great reminder that sometimes you just. have. to. let. loose.

for me, it took a lot to admit that I was into a song by ke$ha. that in itself was letting loose. so it's a reminder to have fun and surprise yourself every once in awhile.

side note, i recently discovered that nate ruess wrote this song, and I suddenly went from 99% to 100% okay with being into it.

late night drama queen.

day 29. late night drama queen. by drew holcomb & the neighbors.

drew holcomb & the neighbors is a band that i discovered by accident a few years ago when they were opening up for another band. and yes, it was love at first listen. i don't know if it is because they were just that amazing live or if i had the biggest girl crush on ellie. whatever the reason, they had me mesmerized after the first song.

so i'm at the concert with my friends and drew & ellie play "late night drama queen." my friend mark taps me on the arm and says "umm, that sounds just like you." and I would have been offended except I was thinking the exact same thing. but also in my head i was thinking do I really want to be known to my male friends as a drama queen? and is this what my mom meant when she said that I need to tone it down sometimes? and is this why my other friend told me he thought i should present myself at "10% ashley" if i ever wanted to find a boyfriend?

and then i thought whatever, because it's all or none. or as i like to say "you either love me or you hate me, there's no in between with me."

actually I don't say that. ever. but it was on an episode of Real Housewives once when my roommate was watching, and for a few days I thought about making it my motto.

okay i believe you, but my tommy gun don't.

day 28. okay, i believe you, but my tommy gun don't. by brand new.

i think for my entire life this will always be in my top 10 songs. i have no story to accompany it, and no great life moment that it makes me think of - other than the fact that it has carried me through 10 years of my life and has never once gotten old.

i listened to this song on repeat the entire way to new jersey for my senior trip, and since I am heading to the exact same location 10 years later with the same people, but this time for a bachelorette party, I thought it was fitting. it takes me back to the days long before jesse lacey broke my heart by using his angelic voice to scream rather than sing. also back to the days when i had enough money to buy myself two Burberry bathing suits to strut down the beach in. what... where did I get all that dough back then? so a lot has changed over 10 years, but I still adore this song, and I'm still gaga over all things plaid.

something i've realized through my life is that I tend to like people who know about Brand New just a tad more than people who don't. and then even more if they are also into plaid.

o children.

day 27. o children. by nick cave and the bad seeds.

if you know me well enough to be reading this, then you have to know about me being really into Harry Potter. I reread and reread each book, and despite the fact that I know exactly what is going to happen, I always lose my mind each new time I read. when reading intense scenes my heart beat goes crazy, I start to sweat, I cry, and generally just end up being emotionally drained. and typically when I read “The Battle of Hogwarts” chapter, I have to take a two hour nap afterwards because I’m just exhausted. and I wish I was kidding.

etc etc etc.. I could keep talking about it, but I’d rather not showcase myself as an insane person.

anytime I hear this song, played during Deathly Hallows Part 1, I automatically feel transported to a tent in an English forest, with a horcrux around my neck. actually anytime I feel down, I’m prone to say “I feel like I have a horcrux around my neck.” to which I get one of 3 responses:

1) Most Likely – “what the hell are you talking about? Is this some sort of wizard thing again?”

2) 2^nd Most Likely – eye roll and polite smile

3) Least Likely – “aghhh, I know just what you mean”

skinny love.

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day 26. skinny love. by bon iver.

 

something I don’t understand is why people get so broken up over the way “bon iver” is pronounced. I mean, I consider myself to be pretty on the up when it comes to music, I enjoy some bon iver when the mood strikes, and I essentially have a Master’s degree in knowing how to read – but I’m still pretty sure I pronounce it a new way of wrong each time I try.

and really what’s the big deal? if I’ve never seen a live performance, then it’s like, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW IT IS PRONOUNCED? I’m not fluent in French. I’m trained to break down every single word I read by it’s syllables & vowel sounds, digraphs & phonemes, and bon iver just does not fit any of the word patterns that I’m aware of. again, probably because I don’t even have as much as a pinky finger’s grasp on the French language. but yet people keep on making me feel incompetent each time I try unsuccessfully to pronounce those two little words. you win, Justin Vernon, you win.

I adore this song anyway.