i shall laugh the worst laugh i ever laughed.

day 25. i shall laugh the worst laugh i ever laughed. by skylar's dream.

this song reminds me of the time i first decided that i disliked philadelphia - our neighbors to the east. this occurred for me at age 19. for some reason no one really knows, thea and i decided to fly to philadelphia and then drive to new jersey, rather than JUST DRIVING TO NEW JERSEY. on our way home we were way-layed in the Philly airport for 7 hours, took an hour flight home and then got lost trying to get home from the airport in Pittsburgh. the whole ordeal probably took about 18 hours, when a drive would have taken 6. fortunately we are here today because we survived it, but not for lack of being extremely worried that we wouldn't. i'm sure that the skylar's dream cd is what gave us strength to find our way home.

 if you don't understand why this would ordeal would make me hate philly, its because - HAVE YOU EVER FLOWN THROUGH THE PHILADELPHIA AIRPORT? I bet if you have, your flight was either delayed or cancelled. I will literally go out of my way to not fly through the Philadelphia airport. when I went on a cruise two summers ago, a group of people showed up to Europe two days late and missed the whole first part of their trip. guess why. THEY HAD A LAYOVER IN PHILLY.

also, Philadelphia is dirty and people are not friendly. also also, you can't even touch the freaking liberty bell. it's behind a big glass wall. major disappointment, and i'm sorry but I bet b.franklin wouldn't have liked to see it that way. the end.

you can close your eyes.

day 24. you can close your eyes. by james taylor.

i wish that james taylor & julie andrews would make a compilation cd of the two of them singing lullabies together. I guarantee you that no one would ever have one bit of trouble falling asleep again. throw in a guest appearance by eddie vedder and people would probably just sleep for fun.

this was my lullaby when i was a baby.  & by baby i also mean - toddler. child. preteen. teen. adult, etc. when i was younger my mom would play this song for me and we would dance around the room. now I mostly just use it to self-soothe when I am sick, hungover, or sad. it never fails to help me zen out or fall asleep when I can't.

my mom played this song for me when she was driving me to my first night at college. despite the fact that she still finds it sentimental, she & my dad have never been inspired enough to invite me along to any of the 10 times they have seen james in concert. & this summer when i asked my mom to go with me, she said she's seen him enough and is over it. disappointing.

beer

Day 23. beer. by reel big fish.

I, for one, loved high school and would go back in a snap. I don't mean to brag, but I was a teacher's pet, and the teachers that loved me the most were normally the ones that were grouchy around everyone else. I'm quite the charmer, i.e. -  I'm sure a lot of my classmates thought I was annoying. I really don't care. 

this song reminds me of high school because everyone. loved. this. song. & its a good one. i would be shocked if they didn't play this at our reunion - the one that i am still trying to bribe people to attend. actually, speaking of reunion music, they should probably just make me in charge of it.

when i told my grandma today that I couldn't wait to go to my reunion to see how crazy some people turned out to be, she tried to lecture me. like, come on grandma, you talk about the ladies in your apartment building ALL the time.

happy pills

day 22. happy pills. by norah jones.

i worked late tonight and i have t-minus 2 minutes to get this done so I can authentically say that I wrote each day.. after midnight DOESN'T COUNT. so...... here we have a little Norah Jones action. this song you guys. this song. it's just too good. & i want to remember feeling this way during this time in my life. a-MEN, Norah. for real.

also, a contrast to the songs from my last two days. which, i am aware, both kind of made me look semi-psychotic. I'M ACTUALLY A HAPPY PERSON.

fake palindromes.

day 21. fake palindromes. by andrew bird.

I honestly believe this song was written by someone who stalks me.

it mentions all sorts of things i'm into -

1. disney
2. blood & vampiry love
3. red lipstick
4. bruises
5. stripes
6. plaid
7. long walks
8. sci fi movies
9. tall, east coast boys
10. & more...

& i'm sorry, but, really, i doubt there are THAT many girls into all of those things, so....

the only thing missing on that list is harry potter. & the only explanation for that is that there was probably some sort of copyright issue.  understandable.

john wayne gacy, jr.

day 20. john wayne gacy, jr. by sufjan stevens

I’m choosing this song because it deals with three of my favorite things. Sufjan Stevens. Chicago history. & the minds of serial killers.

weird, but somehow it works.

this song, about a serial killer from Chicago named John Wayne Gacy, Jr., once started me on an hour-long trip into something I call the “pit of wikipedia.” I can google one thing, and the next thing I know an hour has passed and I’ve sunken into the downward spiral that is Wikipedia. I just keep clicking on the next thing and can never stop. & it’s normally weird things, and then I have nightmares and somehow I just never learn that it's not a great idea to do this right before bed.

the thing about me is, if someone looked at my google history, I think they would be shocked. I’m fascinated by history & human nature and how some people can just act so horrible. so I do a lot of reading about serial killers, sociopaths, crimes, etc. & this is why I know a lot of random and useless information and get scared walking anywhere at night.

colorshow

day 19. colorshow. the avett brothers

you’ve got to remember where you were the moment you first fell in love with your favorite band. I was sitting on the porch of the world’s worst apartment. being angsty about who knows what. (although I could venture a pretty accurate guess). and this song comes on. & it didn’t match my mood at all. but it was love at first listen.

it is in no way my favorite avett brothers song, but to me will always be what the avett brothers are all about. not to mention that the first lines, “be loud, let your colors show,” really resonate with me. people are always telling me to 1. talk quieter, or 2. to tone it down. & maybe it’s nice to know that my favorite band disagrees with them, and I can be as loud/quirky/dramatic/over-the-top as I please, dagnabbit.

afternoon delight.

day 18. afternoon delight. by the starland vocal band. but in this case, in the style of the gentleman of Anchorman.

my connection to this song started innocently enough. I just really loved the movie, Anchorman. one, it’s funny. two, I worked at a public radio station for 5 years, and people in the broadcasting world really are that weird, quirky, strange, etc. I used to watch Anchorman with my friends in college, and they would quote, quote, quote the movie like crazy. naturally, this song just got stuck in my head one day & never left.

time goes on, college ends, and I still love this song. more than anything, because it made me think of my friends and the easy life that was college. so…  I started requesting it any time I got the opportunity.

in particular, I would request it at the bar in the town I grew up in, and since it’s a small town and there are only so many places to hang out - this song was requested often & to the same dj over and over. it got to the point where I only had to walk in the door, and this song would be played upon my entrance.

I know what you’re thinking - who doesn’t want a theme song to play when they enter a room? but in each and every one of the fantasies that I have ever had in my head in my entire life, this was never the song I picked to be mine. embarrassing, really. what a freakshow.

livin' our love song

day 17. livin' our love song. by jason michael carrol.

 

the best lyrics in this song are “something like this just don’t exist between a backwoods boy and a fairy tale princess.” the first moment I heard this song I was riding down a highway in the very same way the two lover birds are doing in the music video for this song. 

today is a day for being nostalgic about the country lifestyle. and plaid. and campfires. and cookouts. and atv rides. and people who wear carhartt. it's a proven fact that people who wear carhartt like me more than your average person who doesn't.

you make my dreams come true.

day 16. you make my dreams come true. by hall & oates.

no explanation necessary. happiest song ever, and i just may spontaneously bust out into dance anytime this song comes on - no matter what my current mood is. plus hall & oates are just big weirdos, so i like them.

sweet illusions.

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day 15. sweet illusions. by ryan adams.

I think I’m a pretty generous person. Most of the time I would rather see other people happy than myself, because it's fun.

however, one place I will not sacrifice my mental happiness is at work. we have three music stations to pick from – 1. the “everybody” channel. 2. dance party. 3. my channel.

on days that I'm "in charge," I also take that to mean I'm CEO of in-store radio. If I’m being generous I will play channel 1. I will never play channel 2. (unless someone bribes me.) I mostly just put on channel 3, which most of my coworkers have dubbed the “suicide” channel. personally I think that’s a bit extreme.

anyways, this song plays on channel 3 often. not only do I want Ryan Adams to provide the soundtrack to the movie about my life, this song reminds me of my old coworker C. Chase. everytime this song comes on, I say “its our song,” and then I tear up a little bit. & everyone just rolls their eyes.

good man.

day 14. good man. by josh ritter.

Once upon a time I had to go to a wedding solo, knowing that my ex love was going to be there with his pregnant wife.

I pulled up to the wedding (ALONE, People!), taking a few seconds to breathe before walking into the ceremony, when a car pulls up next to me. him. with. her.

in my head, I’m all  - “don’t move, he won’t see you, he won’t know it’s you. he will ignore you because he is with her.” 

tap, tap, tap. he’s actually tapping on my window. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

small talk ensues - followed by a “hey, are you here alone? do you want to walk in with us?” Never. not ever. in a million years do I want to walk in with you and your wife. is this a joke?

I have a mini anxiety attack in the car, before pulling myself together. feel like I’m going to puke all through mass. until the priest says a prayer for all homeless, sick, dying and SINGLE. & then I feel hostile, because come on. is a prayer like that really necessary? I have no plans to join christianmingle.com no matter how pathetic my priest thinks I am.

next stop - wedding reception. ex gets put at a table with another ex fling and his new girlfriend. the two have never met until tonight. what is the theme of that table? how were those two possibly put together? their only tie to each other is me, which I bet made great table talk.

in the end, despite all my good humor to the hilarity and awkwardness that is my life, i was still somewhat traumatized. it's all good though, because i was inspired to put together one of my best mixes ever - any of the songs could be used in place of the one i chose. i just happen to like this one the best.

diamonds on the soles of her shoes.

day 13. diamonds on the soles of her shoes. by paul simon.

an ultimate running jam.

today was my first time running anything longer than 4 miles in 6 months. coming back to running (in my case, after milking an ankle injury for as long as humanly possible) is always harder than when you first started, because you are ALWAYS comparing yourself to where you were before. and, big surprise, comparison makes one miserable. if I can imagine that I’m pounding the pavement while wearing diamond encrusted shoes, then for a few minutes, I feel like I’m strutting and flying instead of hardcore struggling.

it’s possible that I’m the only weird person who likes to run to a tune which is not conducive to a steady pace. but… whatever works. plus, ever since I accidentally checked out a Ladysmith Black Mambazo cd from the library about 8 years ago, I’ve had a soft spot for them. they just have a talent of making me feel chill in times of high stress – like when I feel like I have been running for 50 minutes and it’s really only been 5.

i'm ready, i am.

day 12. i'm ready, i am. by the format.

I sometimes feel like Nate Ruess & I are kindred spirits. we're about the same age, and so when I listen to his songs I've always felt that we're both just trying to make it in this big, wide world together.

I've had a rough time with the success of the band, fun. I can't explain it other than it's like watching an old friend grow up and leave you in the dust. you want the best for them, but its like COME ON, your new friends are LAME.  but I HEAR you, you've been singing about how hard you've worked and wanted this for so long that I can't blame you, Nate.

this song, by the format (Nate's first band) came out as I was graduating high school and moving into college. It will ALWAYS remind me of that time in my life.

This past weekend, I was basically bribing my friends to attend our 10 year reunion. & big surprise, no one wants to go. I don't understand this, because I'm DYINGGGG to go.

I come from a small town, and I run into my old classmates all the time. With facebook, it's not like you can hide anything either. People are not going to be shocked when I show up without a husband. In fact, most of my old classmates probably know more of what is going on in my life than I do half the time.

But you just know - you. just. know. there are going to be those people who have gone off the radar and are going to show up. And when they do show up they are either going to be holy hot messes or total stunners. It will be just like having front row tickets to an episode of Maury and there is not a chance in the world that I am going to miss it.

I bet Nate showed up to his reunion. what a bummer if you graduated with him too. "ohhh.. you have a nice new house? a cute kid? married the principal? who cares! because i'm Nate from fun. so suck it, losers!"

hedwig's theme.

day 11. hedwig's theme. harry potter.

 

I'm literally experiencing writer's block right now. I'm 100% committed to the fact that I'm going to write every single day for 365 days, but I feel like my. head. could. explode. I don't know how people write for a living because this is the pits. I tried putting down my thoughts on 10+ different songs and gave up about a sentence into each of them. I actually had to turn off all music because it was making it harder to focus. then the annoying dog down the street started barking, and I still didn't want to put any music on to drown that out. which is weird for me, and makes me worried. even writing this is making my eyes feel like they're going to fall out. idk, for some reason writer's block makes me thoroughly dramatic. I'm also wondering if this is all because I have my bangs pinned back. maybe they are some sort of hipsterish, artistic, inspirational, lucky charm kind of thing.

so the only thing I can think to offer in this situation is my go-to happy place. Hogwarts. more specifically the Gryffindor common room. It's no secret that I am obsessed with all things Harry Potter - so when I can't sleep, or I am stressed, I visualize. I pretend that I am curled up on a fluffy couch in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room, sleeping soundly. it works every time. it's not that much different than someone picturing themselves on the beach, or on a mountaintop, or in an igloo. I mean whatever your thing is, make it work.

all of a sudden I'm starting to worry that next year is a leap year and I'll actually have to write for 366 days because February will have 29 days. If this is the case, I do not even want to know.

i will follow you into the dark

day 10. i will follow you into the dark. by death cab for cutie.

my best friend & i have a song. & this is it. i have no idea how we came to decide that this would be "our song." or who came up with the idea first. i've gotten lots of weird looks by telling people this, and it's like whatever. it's a beautiful song.

thea's been in my life since i was 4 years old, so it makes sense to assume that we'll still be hanging out when we're oldies, but goodies. today marked a turning point in our relationship as it was her bridal shower. i'm not feeling threatened though. i think surviving our awkward stages, puberty, high school, new jersey, college, and post college slumps pretty much guarantees that we have an unbreakable bond. also, hopefully i'll find a husband someday and they'll be friends, too. because if i'm still walking around at 40, single, and telling people that this is our song, things could maybe get a little awks.

vehicle

 day 9. vehicle. by ides of march.

 

this song is honestly creepy all over. I’m 99% sure that it’s about a man trying to abduct someone. & I quote “I’m the friendly stranger in the black sedan, won’t you hop inside my car?”

& guess what? I freaking love it. this song just makes me happy. falling for someone is probably the best feeling ever, and that is what this song reminds me of. birthdays and dancing and taking chances on people you never thought you would find.

in the end it never matters that this person wasn’t the one, or that your heart opened itself up only to be broken. it only matters that your life is strung together with happy moments and memories of being so alive that you literally feel like you have been electrocuted. it’s always worth it. (ohhhh I’m being sappy, because yes, sometimes I do have feelings. gross.)

a father's first spring

day 8. a father’s first spring. by the avett brothers

okay so I’m no father. I’m no mother either. I am an aunt though, and if you know me, you know I am worse than a bragging grandmother* who only wants to talk about their grandchildren. mostly grandma’s don’t have much of a life. I do, and I would still rather sit around and show you pictures of my niece. yes, I’m sure the cashier at babygap really wanted to hear that my niece is sitting up on her own… not. I can’t help it, and I’m not sorry.

this song can literally make me cry anytime I hear it if I pay attention to the words. every single time. it makes me think of the first time I held my niece, because she is that awesome.

I knew I would love her even before I knew I would have a niece. that was never a doubt in my mind. what I did not know was that it was humanly possible to love anyone as much as I love maya. I’m honestly scared to have my own child if this is even half of what it feels like to have them. I am probably going to implode from feeling too much emotion.  another thing I’m scared of is that she is going to think I’m a total weirdo because I’m slightly obsessed with her.

*side note: you should know, my grandma is the exact opposite of aforementioned stereotype, so for years I have been dying to get her a crewneck sweatshirt that says “grandma’s gang” with all of our pictures on it. she’d have to wear it because she would feel bad, and then she would have no choice but to talk to the “gals” about us. it is my hope that writing this down for people to see will force me into doing it.

you never even called me by my name

day 7. you never even called me by my name. by david allen coe.

something I wouldn’t recommend to anyone is going to a party that you weren’t invited to. it’s just not a great idea. and let me tell you, yeah, maybe it WILL make for a great story some day, but is it really worth your dignity?

especially don’t believe someone when they tell you that there will be “TONS” of people there. if that were the case, you probably would have heard about the party sooner, you probably would have been invited.

& let’s take it one step further, if you sit around and debate for two hours about whether or not to attend, the answer is probably NO. instead, just throw your own dang party.

because when you walk into the “party” and there are only about 12 people there and the person who mentioned the party to you – an oddball person who is a friend of a friend of the son of the MOM & DAD throwing the party – ISN’T EVEN THERE, things get real awkward, real fast. 

but, here is the thing that may be useful if you ever hang out in the country and things get awkward - turn on some David Allen Coe and no one remembers what was wrong in the first place. i mean it's like time stands still for these people the second this song comes on. i'm certain the guys from the movie Deliverance would have been safe if only they could have played a little d.a.c.

rocky raccoon

day 6. rocky raccoon. by the beatles

for some reason, this song makes me feel really powerful. really, It gives me that “conquer the world” feeling each time I listen to it, and honestly, maybe that’s weird because the entire song sounds like a good time saloon party that should make you want to dance with a cute cowboy, but it makes me want to mess someone’s world up. there’s probably something inherently wrong with me,  but whatever I’m about to go off on a tangent.

I picked this to be the song I started my first half-marathon to, and it was PERFECT. If you knew me before the age of 26, I was a little bit of a wuss. and, well, honestly. when I say a little, I mean a lot. I cheated on running the mile in high school, by taking 2 laps instead of 4, and that pretty much describes my fitness regimen my entire life until I started training for a half marathon. Now I’m a certified BAMF. & that is why this song will always remind me of how cool I am. that and I’d really like to go up to someone and say “It’s time for a showdown,” so…

on a completely unrelated note, while youtubing this song, I came upon a video of little babies and toddlers acting out the scenes and pretending to shoot each other. I was disturbed. try and find it if you want to watch it, but it seemed too strange to post.

daydream believer

day 5. daydream believer. by the monkees.

when I was 5 years old I was in LOVE with the Monkees. as in planned my entire day around watching their tv show. proof positive that brown eyed, singing hippies, with shaggy hair have always made me swoon. I called Davy Jones from my fisher price phone every night before bed, and their greatest hits record was THE first album I ever owned.

then one day, my brother ruined my life and told me that Davy, Mickey, Peter, and Mike were in fact being shown in tv repeats, and were actually older than my parents and I freaked out. direct quote from my mouth - “it’s not right, it’s not right. it can’t be right.” I was legitimately traumatized that I had been in love with a group of 40 year old guys. around this same time my hair turned from blonde to brown. I don’t know what this means, but I’m pretty sure the two go hand in hand. end scene & I was completely done with all things Monkees for at least 5 years.

then at age 10, I was sitting at a local fair when some chick got up to sing Daydream Believer, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I went home, found all my tapes, started using my parents’ record player and I haven’t looked back since. say what you will about their talent, but I promise you I could introduce you to some Monkees jams that you would adore.

when I finally got to see Davy Jones in person, he sang Daydream Believer and I cried. then a few years later, I met him, almost puked, and cried again.

mass pike

day 4 - mass pike. by the get up kids.

good lord did I love the get up kids. obsessed with them. they were the perfect soundtrack for an angsty 16 year old. perrrrfect. I used to fall asleep while listening to them on my discman.

I remember listening to this song, on said discman, while sitting in the backseat of my parents’ car. most likely i was brooding, while they were driving me home from one of my brother’s basketball games. background story: my brother is 3 years older than me, and played basketball at Duquesne. at the time, I was undecided on where I wanted to go to college.  

get ready because you are going to find out, for the first time ever, the story of how I decided where I would spend 4.5 years of my life, as well as a good chunk of my parents’ (& my own) money.

for some reason, while jamming out to this song, I made this sudden connection between the fact that Duquesne is located atop a hillside, and the fact that I imagined “mass pike”  to also be some sort of hill like place.

in that moment I decided that I would, without a doubt, go to Duquesne. maybe it was a hasty decision as I have a bad habit of letting song lyrics dictate how to act or what to say. but, I’m stubborn, and generally when I decide on something, there is no changing my mind.  flash forward ten years and I realize that matt pryor is singing about the Massachusetts Turnpike. and I’m embarrassed. there’s a slim chance that I should have ended up at Harvard.

tiny dancer

day 3 - tiny dancer. by elton john.

a pretty embarrassing story about me is that I once sat up in my freshman dorm and played this song on repeat while crying my eyes out. for no other reason than the fact that the boy I had a crush on liked this song. this is embarrassing and I would never admit this except that who DOESN’T like this song, and I’m certain that the party in question will never know I’m talking about them.

everytime I hear this song I want to crack up over the ridiculousness of the situation. this is not a song to cry to. it’s not. it’s definitely a song to sing on a road trip or at karaoke. but it’s not one to sit up crying over.

the point here is that people wonder why I don’t cry much. there’s a possibility that this has something to do with it.

party rock anthem

day 2. party rock anthem. by lmfao.

no one should have to live through 7^th grade twice. I rocked it the first time through. I honestly remember 7^th grade as the best year of my life. I will often tell people that, along with year 25, year 13 was awesome as heck.

school was easy. boys were cute. brightly colored nail polish was in. hanson was cool. what was there to dislike about 7^th grade?

I grew up looking fondly upon middle school as some great freaking years. sometimes I think I was my best self in middle school because I had zero hang ups. I knew what I wanted, did what I wanted, and never much worried about how I would look to other people.

Flash forward 13 years and I can never make up my mind, question every decision, and definitely hold on to some major insecurities. despite all of this, I somehow managed to be a respectable adult and hold down a career teaching kids how to read.

finding out I was going to teach 7^th grade was actually exciting for me. back to the best years of my life, right? wrong.

it was AWFUL. ugh.. you guys. I felt like it was pay back for liking my own middle school experience as much as I did. so much drama. no one ripped on me when I was 13, but they definitely did when I was 26. I pretty much felt like a loser 24/7. & the worst part is that 95% of my students liked me, but the 5% that didn’t, really made it known that they didn’t. puberty. yikes.

and every single day, we started the announcements with the Party Rock Anthem. every. single. day. have you ever had the experience where you were out and about and someone’s phone rings, and their ringer is your AM alarm? you know that feeling you get?

that rocks in your gut feeling, is exactly how I feel every time I hear this song. I have flashbacks to homeroom, and honestly start to sweat. but then I remember that I weirdly dig this song, and start to do a little dance. because, why not? I survived 7^th grade TWICE. that’s something to dance about, if nothing else. 

oh, and did you know that lmfao is actually an uncle/nephew duo? I love that fact.

 

run around sue

day 1. run around sue. by dion and the belmonts

life lesson learned. never try and get revenge on a boy by flirting with his friends. or else he’ll dedicate this song to you at the bar.

considering the fact that the boy in question was the worst type possible, the weekend type; the “let me ignore you all week and hit you up every weekend after 10 pm” type, I really didn’t deserve this scathing, and mostly rude, dedication. it takes one to know one…right?

let’s just get serious here for a minute. comparing me to a girl named sue who gets around with “every single guy in town?” hold up. this guy blew me off so many times in college, I dyed my hair two drastically different colors. one being black and one being orange (AT THE SAME TIME). I was lucky to get attention from ONE other guy let alone “every single guy in town.” come on, kind of an exaggeration.

I remember standing with this guy on a balcony and hearing the first bars of this song. it sounds kind of sweet at first, so when he said, “hey I requested this song for you,” I got butterflies.

quickly, though, it became awkwardly clear to me that this was nothing but a hardcore, if not lame, diss. I remember gesturing to my friends on the first floor and giving them a “help me” look. sadly, this night was not the end of us. we still hung out with each other for a few more months which is somewhat disturbing, honestly.

however, I think the biggest cause for concern in this situation, is as follows: why in the world, out of all the possible songs in a college student’s repertoire, would a 21 year old guy choose this one to insult me with? I mean, how can you take someone seriously when you’re mostly inspired to lace up your saddle shoes and head on down to the neighborhood sock hop? 

by the way... the looks on the faces of the audience members in this video? it looks like they're really having a good time.