middle distance runner.

day 46. middle distance runner. by sea wolf.

as a half-marathoner, i basically classify myself as a middle distance runner. & perhaps this song is also a metaphor for the way i sometimes live my life, but let's not get too deep up in here today.

half-marathoners have a habit of saying some take on the following phrase: "im JUST/ONLY running/jogging the half (hopefully)." we completely downplay the fact that we are running 13 FREAKING miles. that's far. not long ago were the days when even 2 miles scared me. but yet, time and again I hear us downplaying the great accomplishment that we can literally run for nearly two hours without stopping. it's pretty cool.  

to tie in this song, i have two running moods - pensive or powerful. this song is definitely on repeat during the pensive days. which today was. so much so that i watched 10 episodes of Mad Men with my parents instead of running the 10 miles i intended to.

pensive is not always bad. i mean it has to be better than whatever type of mood the people are in listening to angry rap or techno. i had my best race time when i was in a pensive mood, which is interesting because this song is. so. slow. 

yet to be determined.... my mood for my next half coming up in TWO weeks.  EEK! (PLEASE NOTE: today i was supposed to run my last long training run. and i just didn't. here goes nothing!)

swimming pools.

day 45. thao and the get down stay down. swimming pools.

this song has nothing to do with kendrick lamar. and lord help me if in the next 320 days i ever mention that name again.

thao was someone i discovered by accident a long, long time ago and loved right away. as it normally goes with me, she'll always be special to me because i spent hours listening to her when i was trying to make sense of something crappy. the same crappy situation that inspired me to take a break and get out of pittsburgh for awhile.

when i decided to flee town in 2008 and move to florida, i was literally flying by the seat of my pants. when i tell you that i was still undecided if i was going to get on that plane the day before i left, i would not be lying to you. i packed with an angry voice in my head telling me i was wasting time, and i was only going to have to undo all the work i was doing because i clearly wasn't actually leaving town.

ultimately, i decided to make the move because my dad got me a gift card to chic-fil-a and i could not bear thinking that he spent time to do that for me, and that i would be selfish enough to stay home and not use it. (umm. hey there. PA has chic-fil-a too).

when my dad drove me to the airport on the big day, i turned on the radio and this song was playing. nevermind the fact that this simply means the dj decided to play a really great song. i took it as a major sign that i was on the right path, had made the right decision, and would never once look back. sign or no sign, thao is da bomb.

beat of my heart.

day 44. beat of my heart. by hilary duff.

i first heard this song 7 years ago when it played on the disney channel during the premiere of the first high school musical. i'm going to save you the trouble of figuring out the math and just tell you that i was 21, and yes, watching the disney channel.

my first thought was - "i can't believe she's dating joel madden." and then, "gosh i love this girl." and then "this song is special." i've always loved hilary duff. she's a classy lady, and so stinkin cute - i mean have you ever SEEN Casper meets Wendy? (as i write this, i'm thinking most of you haven't). also, she played lizzie mcquire and married a canadian hockey player. i love her life.

i forgot about the song at the time, but it came back to me later on that year and has not left my head since. it was my dance party song - dance parties were my official way of dealing with stress when i was in college. at times they were in my pjs alone. at other times, they involved costumes and choreographed moves. and yes, maybe they helped me be "less stressed," but they were more an elaborate ruse to procrastinate.

miss duff's feel good song then merged into my pick me up song. i was feeling upset one day and this song came on and i decided. "NO. i am not feeling bad about myself for one second longer." to this day it is always the song i put on when i am ready to tell myself. "pick up the pieces. do your hair. put on some pretty lipstick. face the world. and live your life."

when i applied to my current job, i stated that this song was the theme song to my life. they must have liked that about me, because here i am. and it's completely possible that me watching hsm on a Friday night when i was 21 years old and should have been out on the town, has made a major impact on my life, and who would have known?  i always wonder what my theme song would have been otherwise, and how i might be sitting here writing about the pussycat dolls or danity kane because that was all my roommate listened to. yikes.

pitseleh.

day 43. pitseleh. by elliott smith.

pitseleh means "little one" in Yiddish. it is also the name of my favorite elliott smith song on my favorite elliott smith cd. it reminds me of my first real heartbreak, and getting over it by listening to this song over and over. if i broke my life into periods set to music, i definitely, without a doubt, had an elliott smith period. and it was a time of little sunlight and lots of food. dun dun dun.

but now, i mostly listen to elliott smith when i'm feeling happy - not dark and moody. i think this confuses most people. i think i confuse most people. noted. but most people confuse me.. so...

konstantine.

day 42. konstantine. by something corporate.

if i really think about it, i've probably seen something corporate in concert more than any other band. especially if you count jack's mannequin as being the same band. which i do. this is one of my all time favorite songs. on the other hand i've heard people say that it's the worst song ever. so judge away.

honestly, if i were to hear this song today for the first time ever, i would probably think it was pretty lame. it's like quit WHINING. you seem like a self-destructive fool who probably destroyed a relationship with a girl who seems pretty & cool. and for what?

now there is a 10 minute song about you being a real dick. great.

but there is sentimental value to this song for me, and I love andrew mcmahon. I'm willing to forgive him with the fact that he wrote this song in his late teens or early twenties. and who really knows how to act then? i sure didn't. still don't.

pineapple princess.

day 41. pineapple princess. by annette funnicello.

this one is dedicated to all of the people i now work with who complain about the music i choose to play.

when i worked in adventureland, we had a total of two cds that were on a loop and we listened to them over and over again. and pineapple princess was the best song. i mean i actually liked it, but i think it got to a weird point where we used to refer to people we didn't like as pineapple princesses and sing this song on our days off.

so next time you are hating on andrew bird and the avett brothers, just remember that it could be worse.

angel from montgomery.

day 40. angel from montgomery. by john prine.

at my middle school, people used to go up to someone they were dating and make an "x" with their arms if they wanted to break up with them. it was quick and painless, but actually pretty embarrassing for the one being dumped. luckily it never happened to me. although that style would have actually been preferable to the break up speech i once got, which was:

"i can't be with you because you make me want to be a better person. when i picture life with you, i picture myself coming home from work and talking about my day and our lives, and laughing and doing fun things together. but all i really want to do is come home to a woman who cooks and cleans for me, i can't handle the rest."

i kid you not, and this is my life. which used to seem like a really strange soap opera. & luckily i really just don't date anymore in order to avoid situations like that. but this song has always reminded me of that particular exchange; and it's stuck with me (for some reason) as an enriching life experience and not so much a terrible moment.

& then when i rewatched "into the wild," and i realized that this is the song kristen stewart sings, i actually got s-i-c-k to the stomach. that girl ruins everything.