angeles.

day 86. angeles. by elliott smith.

am i the only who thinks that elliott smith fits perfectly with whatever the weather is outside? cozying up on the couch with the snow falling outside? perfect - put on some elliott smith. hopping in rain puddles on the first day of spring? elliott would be the ideal soundtrack. basking in the sunlight with wind in my hair and peppery skin. ELLIOTT. dodging blowing leaves on a windy, fall day?.... you get the point.

i'll never understand why all of my friends go into doom and gloom mode anytime i try and listen to some elliott smith. when i tried to listen to him in the car awhile back i got the following reactions:

"ugh, not this again."
"are you depressed?"
"why are you doing this to us?"
"really, why?"
my friends are whacked, basically.

angeles is a lovely song and reminds me of the first boyfriend i actually cared about. i have all of these songs that remind me of people from my past, and sometimes I wonder what songs remind people of me. it's a scary thought actually. one that i may do some digging into.

stay tuned... actually i should make the statement that this is my official comeback. new year, new me, etc. etc. 

sight of the sun.

day 85. sight of the sun. by fun.

holy freaking crap. i can't even explain to you just how much i love this song. i'm not lying to you when i say that it gives me a knot in my stomach each and every time i hear it. & i hear it a lot because i have been playing it multiple times a day.

i am not one of those people who, when they aren't in love, can't handle a love song. i am the biggest advocate of other people falling in love. & that's why i love this song, because i know that when i finally DO fall in love it's going to feel just like it does listening to this song. i also know that i'd be lying to myself if i claimed that when i hear this song, i only think of SOMEDAY and not someone RIGHT NOW.

Big surprise here (NOT), when i tell you that i am once again hopelessly falling for one of my favorite people. this happens often to me and generally ends terribly. i recently revealed this in a previous post, but i kinda hoped the issue would be resolved, squashed, kaput by now. but no. of course not. i'm putting myself out there right now by posting this because i'm sure he doesn't know i feel this way. ideally by the time i get around to posting this, he will either know and i'll have moved on or he will be my main squeeze. there is also the possibility that things will end badly and i will NEVER post this.

stay young, do dancing.

day 84. stay young, go dancing. by death cab for cutie.

happy 29th birthday to me.

today i did a lot of thinking about just HOW MUCH I LOVE the people in my life. and let me tell you, it is lots. years go by and by, and though i don't feel any older, i sure do feel luckier and luckier each day to be surrounded by the people I have in my life. I can't remember the last time that I ever felt alone, or unhappy, or unable to face a new day because I'm constantly brought up and supported by my friends and my lovely family.

I know that my "realist" attitude often gets taken to be more pessimistic or dramatic than anything, but make no mistake I love this life I lead. my birthday has just been a great day to take it all in, and realize I AM SO LUCKY and GRATEFUL for everything that surrounds me. I know it should be scary entering my last year as a 20-something, but it's not. don't get me wrong, I have no idea where the past 10 years have gone, and that is terrifying - but life just keeps getting better each day I roll out of bed. & I've decided that this will be my theme song for year 29 aka my best year yet.

just give me a reason.

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day 83. just give me a reason. by pink & nate ruess.

here’s the truth that I’m not quite ready to admit to myself, let alone you. I don’t need someone to walk me home. I am not scared to walk home alone at night or in the sunlight. I just want to spend more time with you.

it’s just not fair that lovesick feels the same whether you are falling in, falling out, worried, nervous, anxious, elated. it’s the SAME feeling. and it’s either the worst or the best depending on the situation.

I’m feeling now just like a felt a couple months ago when someone ripped my heart out and I couldn’t eat or sleep or sit still waiting for the feeling to just pass and it did pass. I knew it would. but I don’t think this will. or at least not quite so easily. because when that happened, you were the only person I wanted to talk to. and even though I didn’t admit it even then, that’s when I knew this was going to be a major problem. & of COURSE that is definitely me overreacting. this could be a GREAT thing or it will fizzle and I will be fine because i always am.

snow white.

82. snow white. by jaymay.

 

i originally was drawn to this song because it was called snow white. & i thought it would be about princess snow white and that excited me. songs about princesses. this is just one example of what goes through my mind in a typical day.

this is one of those songs that i always thought was beautiful, but could NOT relate to at all. and then one day i found that i could, and that confused me. and worried me. and frankly freaked me out for about 3 months until i admitted the way i was feeling to myself. now comes the time to admit it to the rest of the world because i've hit that breaking point where i feel like i'm about to explode. i'm ABOUT TO TURN 29. HOW AM I STILL HAVING LIFE EXPERIENCES THAT ARE SIMILAR TO 13 YEAR OLDS? HELP ME. secret crushes should end by AT LEAST your mid 20's and i'm pushing 30 here. this cannot be healthy. it just cannot. 

take your time (coming home)

day 80. take your time (coming home). by fun.

let the love fest for nate ruess continue.

there is just something about going to a concert and singing along that makes you fall in love with life. maybe because it's giving you a chance to speak those things that you want to say but never got a chance to. to declare to the world that you're happy. or in love. or angry. or broken, but getting back to normal. that has always been the reason that i love music, period. and singing along with hundreds of people just takes it to the next level. just another reason why i should have learned the violin years ago, because i could be in a band by now.

fun. is just so great in concert and i didn't want the night to end. i was beyond happy when they played my favorite fun. song which you can listen to above. the worst part of the night was when this creepy, drunk yinzer stared at me the whole time. & i'm not saying that to brag, because he was not pleasant looking and seemed to be kind of a d bag. oh well. my favorite line in the song is as follows (& i guess i could apply it to him, too):

& the truth is that i feel better because i've forgiven everyone.

life is good. :)

daughter

day 78 daughter. by loudon wainright III

happy father's day to my pops!

this is our father/daughter song. i know this because the first time i heard this song, i had to keep on playing it because it just reminded me so much of our father/daughter relationship. & then one day we were riding in the car and it came on our favorite radio station and he said "it's our song!" even though i had never mentioned it to him.

i am a daddy's girl, which is 100% obvious if you listen to this song. i am also 100% lucky to have the dad i have, because not only does he spoil me, he goes on long runs with me, gets my whacked out sense of humor, and never turns down a 2 hour roadtrip to see one of our favorite bands. the bar is set high for my future husband. i hope for my dad's sake, though, that someday i will get married and we can dance to this. i, of course, will be bawling my eyes out the entire time.